2000 Off Season: December 2000 Archives

Remember a year ago when everyone was panicking about they Y2K bug? And do you remember when January 1 came and nothing happened? Remember how we all laughed at how silly everyone was for believing that everything was going to go wrong and we would be left in the dark without food? That was really funny until tonight.

It has been an interesting holiday season. This is Dog Dot Com's first Christmas and we have been wondering how a puppy would fair with all that will be going on. Now I am not an idiot or at least I try to persuade myself that I am not so I did take precautions with a new dog in the house. The Christmas decorations that matter have all been placed above Dakota and Dottie muzzle reach. When it came to the tree, this meant that we had no ornaments on the bottom 24 inches of the tree. When I finished with the tree, I did notice that it looked very bizarre and something had to be done. I therefore went through the decorations and pulled out items that did not matter if they were chewed up. In many cases, chewing would probably enhance their appearance. This has worked out fairly well. Dottie has disturbed some of these ornaments and even attempted to eat one of the glass balls on the tree. She made that mistake only once though. As Christmas approaches though, she is getting into more and more things. Some of the gifts we found had food items within them. With her keen sense of smell, she found out this information well before we did. This resulted in us losing a couple of gifts to the dog. This was of course frustrating not only to Trina and I but more importantly to the kids. They did not appreciate the fact that Dottie was able to open a present before Christmas while they had to wait. It was especially bad when the gift she opened was not even hers! Something had to be done and since I am the idea man, I had to come up with something. I tried rewarding her for good behavior and that worked for about as long as I was watching, then she went back to checking things out. Next, I tried discipline but with the same results. She was as good as gold while I was watching. The moment I turned my back, she got into trouble. Then I stumbled upon the answer, laser pointer.

I have not been feeling well for the past several days and finally relented and had Trina make me a doctor's appointment. I am not sure why but I have a deep seated fear of doctors and hospitals. Perhaps it is because I have spent so much time there having something stitched, taped, cast, plugged or removed. Whether it was an emergency asthma attack or a broken bone from playing ball, I spent a lot of my childhood in a waiting room reading old magazines while waiting to see a doctor or nurse. Subconsciously, I think I have linked pain and doctors and would just as soon not see either one of them. Besides seeing me for my cold, I was also scheduled for a physical.

There is word coming out of Milwaukee today that Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig fell on the ice in his driveway breaking his kneecap. Everyone within baseball is wishing the commissioner a speedy recovery as he was rushed to the hospital for surgery to repair his knee. It is an unfortunate accident that always seems to happen during the icy winters in the midwest, or does it?

It is amazing what a guy will do to go and check out the seats at Bank One Ballpark. It has been 75 days since I have been in the ballpark and it will be another 108 days until opening day. Today though offered me an exciting opportunity. The United States Women's Soccer Team was playing a match at Bank One Ballpark this afternoon against the Japanese National Team. I immediately got a ticket to this match. Don't get me wrong, I really could care less about women's soccer. I don't know any of the players nor do I plan to be much of a fan of the sport in the future. No, I bought a ticket so that I could check out the field and also to see what the sight lines would be from the various sections for next season. The American women played well. I have to admit, it was strange seeing grass where the infield dirt usually is and the idea of goals set on the warning track in left field and in front of the visitor's dugout. So after my initial confusion, I quickly adjusted and found my seat. It took me a moment since I first walked to section 133 row 16 seat 13 to find a fairly large woman with her girlfriend sitting there. I had to look at my ticket to see where I was supposed to sit. After the first few moments, I began to move around as I sat in several seats checking to see what it would be like to sit there for the upcoming baseball season. At each location, I made notes to the Bank One Ballpark seating chart I had brought with me. By the middle of the second half, I had done all of my homework and then turned my attention to the soccer match. As time ran out, I looked at the scoreboard to see that the score was tied 1-1. From the looks of the couple sitting in my normal baseball seats, the old adage is true, a tie really is like kissing your sister.

There are a few things that a father never quite gets over. At the top of this list is your daughter dating. It does not matter who she is dating, he is never quite good enough for his little girl. That is the case with Ashley. Tonight is the winter dance at school and she has a date. He is a nice kid and Ashley seems to like him. I on the other hand merely tolerate anyone touching my daughter's hand and I do not want to know anything else. I trust Ashley implicitly, but I still remember what I was like as a teenage boy. If this kid is anything like I was, I am going to have to kill him. Ashley has spent most of the day getting ready. It never ceases to amaze me how long it takes a girl to get read for an event. Whether it is working on her dress, doing her hair, putting on her make-up, or the other countless items that go along with getting ready. Until I had daughters, I never really appreciated how much work went into getting ready for school or a date. Trina of course had other plans for tonight and had the other kids with her leaving me alone at home to meet the date, help pin on flowers, and take the pre-dance pictures so that we can all remember how uncomfortable we were standing around. So here I am with my camera pressed up to my eye watching some kid standing next to my daughter with his arm around her looking excited to go to a dark dance that has few if any adult supervision and a curfew that has been extended into the early morning. Yeah, this is truly a Kodak moment soon to be followed by a Tylenol eternity.

As I get up this morning, I glance over to the Christmas Countdown clock that Trina has put up in order to save her sanity. After having 5 kids ask on a daily basis how many more days until Christmas, she decided it would just be easier to write it on the board. If nothing else, it has saved her from repeating herself 6 times. I had to look at the countdown twice. Surely that cannot be right, there has to be more than 10 days until Christmas. Because if Christmas is that close, that means I have to go shopping and I am not sure I am ready to deal with that. Of course, I verified the days remaining and found that indeed, there was a trip to the mall in my future. I grabbed the checkbook and my Arizona Diamondbacks Team Shop Discount Card and headed for the door. Before I could make it to the garage, I was met by Trina who immediately removed my Team Shop Discount card from my hand. "You won't be needing this." she said. I tried to explain that I still had to buy her present but she merely repeated "You won't be needing this." Dejected that I was being forced into a realm I was not prepared to experience, I left the house and headed for the mall. When I got within 10 miles of the shopping center, I noticed traffic increase as did foot traffic on the sidewalk. I did not think the two were related but soon found I was mistaken. I drove around the mall for 40 minutes trying to get into the parking lot. Not park the car, just get into the parking lot. After the fourth trip around the block, I began wondering exactly how much trouble I would be in if I shopped somewhere that had a drive-through window. At the last moment, I found an opening to park and perhaps saved my marriage. When I finally found a parking place, I had to hike 20 minutes before I reached the door to the mall. By the time I got inside, I had forgotten what I was even looking for. Lucky for me the team shop was just inside to remind me why I came here. Diamondbacks polo shirts are 20% off today. I'll bet Trina will love this. Maybe I'll get her two, one black and one blue to match the bruises I will most likely get when she opens these.

There are few things that a man hates worse than going to the doctor. I am not sure why we behave this way. Perhaps it is a matter of trying to show we are tough, perhaps it is a fear of needles and the possibility of having a shot, or just maybe it is the memory we all have of the first colon examination we had. In my case, I think it is a combination of all of the above. I would rather be drug behind a car for several miles than have to see a doctor. Trina of course takes every opportunity she can to make sure I visit those members of the medical profession. There are times I have to wonder of she is just a sadist that likes to see me suffer but then I remember what I am like when I am sick. It is funny, I can seem rough and tough but the moment I get sick, I turn into some kind of whiny wimp that wants to be waited on hand and foot. I am not alone in this, I have seen other men who get sick and they too demand to be pampered and waited on. It must be something in our genes. Because of our behavior, women have no choice but to send us to the doctor for medication and more importantly to get us out of their hair if only for a few minutes. Given this fact, I find myself sitting in the doctor's office whimpering as I wait my turn. I will be glad to get home and get back to bed. I wonder if Trina will bring me a milkshake and a new magazine. I figure I only have a couple of days to milk this before she catches on and I am back to fending for myself once again.

Like many other baseball fans, I had to sit down when I heard that Alex Rodriguez had signed a 10 year contract worth in excess of $252 million. At first I thought the announcers had somehow misplaced a decimal point somewhere but no, they repeated the news several times with the same result. I immediately changed the station to ESPN where they were to hold a press conference announcing the signing of A-Rod. I had to hear that. After all, I had believed Alex when he said it wasn't about the money. He wanted the chance to win a championship. Surely he could explain why he went to the Texas Rangers who have no pitching whatsoever. So the press conference began. First we heard from Tom Hicks the owner of the Rangers who stated this contract was probably even undervalued. My mind was numb at that quote. Next came Doug Melvin the General Manager who claimed that A-Rod would be a dominating force in baseball for the foreseeable future and that this deal would be looked upon as a bargain in the coming years. Melvin was followed by Rodriguez's agent Scott Boras who claimed that the deal was lower than what they wanted but A-Rod felt this was the right move regardless of the money. Then the press conference ended. It ended? Where was A-Rod? Oh, he wasn't in Texas at the time, he would be there in a few days. The guy signs a $252 million contract and he isn't even there? I began to contemplate the contract and tried to understand why Alex wasn't there. Then I came to the conclusion, he doesn't have time to attend these types of functions.

I will eternally be indebted to my Grandpa Olsen. Some of my fondest childhood memories involve times I spend with him. He as a simple man, a man who worked with his hands as a carpenter. I remember watching him work, my eyes filled with wonder as he constructed things with his tools taking a pile of wood and hardware and magically creating order and structure. As I talked with him, I soon realized he was a brilliant thinker. At a time when education was at a premium, he excelled. It quickly became apparent that he needed more of a challenge than what the teacher was able to provide. He was therefore accelerated to another grade and thrived in that environment as well. The one aspect of my grandfather that defined him as a man was his outdoor spirit. From the moment I was old enough to remember, grandma and grandpa would take me camping, fishing, and hunting. His favorite destination was always Yellowstone park. We would make a trip through the park each spring as soon as the snow had melted. He knew more about this area than anyone I have ever met. Although a sportsman, he was also a conservationist making great efforts to ensure that the beauty and majesty was maintained for future generations. Many of life's greatest lessons came from my interaction with my grandfather. Although he passed away several years ago, I shall never forget him. On this the anniversary of my grandfather's birth, I wish him well in the life beyond. I look forward to meeting him again in Heaven to reminisce about our times here on this earth and the mysteries of eternity. He was my grandfather but more importantly, he was my friend.

It's funny how your mind wanders when you find yourself in a hopeless situation. For example, I went with Trina tonight to do a little Christmas shopping. I foolishly thought that the crowds would be smaller on a Monday than they were on the weekend. I am not sure where I came up with that theory, must have been the same place as the guy that thought the Earth was flat. Anyway, I sat in the car inching up and down the parking lot looking for a parking place somewhere in the same time zone as the store. Trina of course was talking away, something about the types of gifts we were looking for, how her day went, the chances of nuclear war I'm not sure what she was saying. I was busy listening to the radio. During the sports minute, they were announcing that baseball managers and umpires had met at the baseball winter meetings to discuss a change to the strike zone. Major League Baseball wants the umpires to begin calling the strike zone as defined in the rule book. This means that the strike zone will no longer end at the belt but will move up another 9 inches to across the letters. This is seen as a change that will help the pitchers become more competitive without resorting to raising the mound. This is a huge change for baseball and the managers are fairly worried about what this will do to the game. First of all, if the pitcher attempts to throw a hanging breaking ball above the belt, it may be a strike but chances are it will also be tattooed into the stands. "This can't be good!" I said. "Yes, you are right" Trina added, "We need to pick up a couple more things for Whitney if Christmas is going to even out for the kids." Uh yeah, that is what I meant. It would seem the modification of the strike zone is affecting more than just the game. I wonder if baseball envisioned all that could be changed as a result of this announcement. I know Whitney will welcome the news, she just got 2 more Christmas presents because of it.

The National League Western Division has always been a fairly competitive division that has been contended by several teams. Whether it was the Dodgers, the Giants, or the Diamondbacks they were hard fought divisional matches. The one team that everyone seemed to write off was the Colorado Rockies. Sure, they were great offensively when playing at Coors Field but their pitching was always near the bottom in ERA and runs given up. All that has changed this winter as the Rockies went out and tried to buy themselves some legitimacy. First they stunned everyone in getting Denny Neagle to sign a contract to pitch in Colorado. My first thought was that he was committing some kind of career suicide. Then this weekend I'm hanging out helping Trina around the house when it was announced that Mike Hampton had been signed. I quickly turned to the television to see whether he had decided to go to Atlanta or to St. Louis. I was guessing the Braves but the announcer said Hampton signed an eight year deal worth $121 million to play for the Colorado Rockies. I could not believe my ears. It was like I had somehow stumbled upon some sort of alternative universe where pitchers actually wanted to pitch in Colorado. I quickly went to the Internet to look at the career statistics Neagle and Hampton had at Coors Field. Just as I expected, they were both around a 6.00 ERA. It is like Bizarro World for baseball fans everywhere. What will be next, Mark McGwire asking to be traded to Seattle but only if they move the fences back because he feels offense is ruining the game? I think I need to sit down, I must be delirious.

"There are only 14 shopping days until Christmas" Trina proclaimed. "We need to go and get a few things before they are all gone." With these words, the longest day of the year began. There are probably few things that bring fear to a man's heart quite like having to brave the crowds during the peak of Christmas shopping. Immediately, my mind began to develop and elaborate plan in which I would suddenly come down with some rare and near fatal disease that would last for 15 days before I made a miraculous recovery. If I had only paid better attention during that last episode of ER, I would have had the answer I needed but at this moment, my mind was a total blank. I weakly attempted to cough and even added a few sniffles trying out my best "I'm sick" look. Trina of course saw through this ploy immediately and shut me down before I even got started. I am not sure I fully understand the difference between being a hostage and having to go shopping with your wife. I am sure there is some minor legal technicality but I don't see the difference. After a few minutes of whining and whimpering, I reluctantly grabbed my jacket and headed for the door. After all, how bad could it possibly be? Looking back, I should have known better. Trina drug me to the mall on a Saturday afternoon. All indications pointed to a bad situation from the moment that we couldn't park in the mall parking lot all the way to the time when we had to wait for someone to leave the mall to make room for us to enter the building. I now have a full understanding of what it must have been like to be aboard a slave ship in the early 1700's. People were everywhere all wanting the same thing. Each store we went into was packed with people all trying to buy the last car, doll, book, or shirt on the planet. Although I came out carrying a countless number of packages I couldn't tell you what was in them. All I know is that my shopping is finished.

If at the end of last season you would have asked me what was the one position that the Arizona Diamondbacks should not have to fill during this off season, I would have told you first base. It seemed at times last season that the Diamondbacks were trying to corner the market on first basemen. At one point the team had Travis Lee, Greg Colbrunn, Erubiel Durazo, and Alex Cabrera on the Major League roster. So for the Diamondbacks to go out and sign Mark Grace from the Chicago Cubs to play first base was quite a surprise. I really have to question the sanity of this deal on several levels.

To the Baseball Fans of the United States:

Yesterday, Dec. 7, 2000 - a date which will live in infamy - the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by greedy agents and players of the Empire of Major League Baseball.

Wednesday is always an interesting day in the work week. It represents the exact middle of the week. You have usually recovered from Monday and all the trouble that accompanies the beginning of another long week. Tuesday is freshly behind you as you review all the work that you did the day before after barely dragging yourself out of Monday. Thursday is still a day ahead so you can usually push work off from today until tomorrow when you feel more like doing it. Friday of course is a chance to wind down as you begin to make plans for the upcoming weekends. In baseball terms, Wednesday would be the seventh inning stretch. Most of the game is behind you but the most important part still remains. The first six and a half innings seemed to fly by just like the first two and a half days of the work week. The remaining inning and a half seems to take as much time to get through as the first six. There is a lot of strategy involved as you play out your final two at-bats and everyone seems to question the decisions you make in this final two innings more so than the first part of the game. It is the same with Wednesday. Thursday and Friday drag to a halt as you wait for the weekend to arrive. By Wednesday, you can barely remember what you did on Monday let alone the consequences of the decisions made. So it was no surprise that at lunch today I stood up and began singing "Take Me Out to the Ballpark" in celebration of it being Wednesday. Based upon the looks I received from my fellow employees, I am the only one that has made the mental connection of Wednesday to the seventh inning stretch.

There are times when Trina is just to optimistic. In her heart, she truly believed that a Christmas tree could be decorated in a day. I tried to tell her that with all the help she was going to get from Dakota and Dog Dot Com, there was no way it was going to happen. Of course she gave me the same look she gives when I tell her that I am not going to buy anything at the Team Shop which meant there was no way she was going to believe me. Still I was right. By midnight last night, the tree was not done. In fact, the lights were not even completed. I took this rare opportunity to tell her I told her so. That was probably not a wise decision on my part nor was it a good idea to do the "I was right and you were wrong" end-zone victory dance around the tree. I can now say without a shadow of a doubt that not everyone is jovial during the holiday season. After picking the Christmas tree branches out of my hair and pajamas I realized I should have been more supportive or at least learn to duck faster. So here I am today, rushing home from work to "do my part" and finish decorating the tree. I also picked up another important safety tip. When I arrived home and found Trina getting ready to go to a jewelry party, I should not have asked, "Aren't you going to help decorate the tree?" The only saving grace I had was that all the branches had already been placed on the tree making it impossible for her to throw them at me. So, for the remainder of the evening, I worked with the kids to have the tree completely decorated before their mother the Grinch came home. For good measures we decided we should probably have the house cleaned as well. There is no use asking for another blizzard to tear through the house. Until now I never realized that the phrase "It is better to give than to receive" was actually a safety message.

After a one day hiatus from Christmas decorations, we were back at it today. It is the big day around our house as we begin to put up the Christmas tree. Notice I said begin, I did not infer that this was a one day job. In all my years since we moved to Arizona, we have never been able to put up the tree in a single day. Part of the reason for this is that the tree itself in 9 feet tall. When we moved to Arizona, we bought an artificial tree. Partly because real trees had become so expensive, partly because I could never find a tree that looked just right. The other reason it takes so long to complete the decorations is my fault. I am a light junkie. I am under the belief that you can never have to many lights on the Christmas tree. For this reason, I insist that we have a minimum of 1000 lights on the branches of the tree. In order to put that many lights on the tree, it becomes necessary to wrap each branch individually. This takes a tremendous amount of time and patience neither of which I have an abundance of in my life. We have decided that the best way to attack the tree decorating chore is to break it up and use a tag team approach. So Trina and I take turns wrapping lights and walking away to cool off from our frustration level. I know I should just go out and purchase one of those trees that already comes decorated with lights but again I haven't found one I like. This year, Trina decided she would try to install the lights while I was at work and the kids were at school. By the time I returned home this evening, I could tell she was in a less than stellar mood. To try and help her out, I offered to fix dinner. She was grateful for my offer until she realized that I meant I would go and pick up a pizza. For some reason, she didn't think that was quite fair. She worked hard all day putting up the tree while I came home and called to have a pizza delivered. Looks like I will be spending some time doing manual labor so that the scales of marital justice are again level.

This morning I awoke and turned on the radio to listen to some music as I went through my daily routine. During this time, the news came on and one of the stories was of the Space Shuttle Endeavor and its mission to the International Space Station. Endeavor was carrying a payload for the space station which included a giant truss which will be used to unfurl solar energy collectors to produce power for the space station. According to the news story, the shuttle would connect the truss to the space station today in a series of maneuvers by astronauts doing space walks. I quickly ran downstairs and turned on the satellite dish. One of the beautiful things about satellite television is that you usually get the downlinks from the space shuttle to mission control in Houston. Sure enough, the NASA channel was showing the shuttle unloading its payload in preparation for the connection with the space station. I watched eagerly as astronauts Noriega and Tanner began to guide the 17 ton truss into place and bolt it together. Their space walk lasted several hours and it was amazing to watch. The shuttle circles the earth every 90 minutes meaning it is night for 45 minutes and day for 45 minutes. To watch these two astronauts hanging 40 feet above the space shuttle connected to the space station with a small tether while traveling over 5 miles per second was incredible. The mission was not without its problems as one of the solar wings did not deploy correctly. This is where the astronauts differ from other do-it-yourselfers. They did not get out a hammer and give the space station a good whack. Instead, they left it there for mission control to best determine what would be the next steps. I just kept thinking to myself, they wouldn't have had this problem if they would have sent up Norm Abram from This Old House. He is after all a master carpenter and would have had it fixed in no time and been able to provide it with a decorative crown molding. Sometimes these NASA guys make things to complicated.

Good day and welcome to day two of the Christmas decorations marathon. Yesterday was filled with light as I hung the outside decorations. Today the focus is on the inside and the roof although not in that order. As a child, my Grandma and Grandpa Summers had a lot of Christmas decorations. Grandpa was responsible for the outside while Grandma decorated the inside. At the top of their house stood a 3 foot Santa Claus and his sleigh. The sleigh was pulled by 3 reindeer (it was a small sleigh and a smaller house). The lead reindeer was Rudolph whose nose glowed red. I remember going to their house every Christmas to see their lights. As Grandpa got older, he needed help in putting up his decorations. I would gladly volunteer and go over every season to help him put them up. It soon became me doing the decorations while he oversaw the proceedings from the ground. When my Grandma passed away a few years ago, he decided not to put up the decorations any more. To my surprise, he brought them over to me as a gift. From that time, I have made an effort to continue the tradition of having Santa and his sleigh and reindeer adorn the top of my house. This year was no exception as I got the characters out of the box and plugged them in to verify all parts were in good working condition. It is amazing to me that these decorations are still in such good condition considering they are nearly 40 years old now. By the end of the day, Santa was standing majestically watching over the reindeer from the top of our garage. It is always a special time when Santa and Rudolph light up for the first time each holiday season. Each time, I take a moment to reflect on my grandparents and the love I have for them. Merry Christmas Grandma and Grandpa.

The first of December is traditionally the beginning of the holiday season in our household. It is at this time that the Thanksgiving decorations are stored away and are replaced with those celebrating the Christmas holiday season. This year, I am feeling less than helpful as I am still quite ill. The children though are adamant about the decorations being put up. So I got up, donned my Hard Rock Cafe sweatshirt, my Atlanta Olympics sweat pants, my Diamondbacks hat and my Goofy slippers and decided to just get it over with. Some of you may be wondering about my attire but I assure you, this is standard issue for sick people in our house. I find that there are only certain outfits that can be worn when you are sick. If you try to dress in regular clothes, you just feel worse and then the clothes become tainted in your mind. Hey, I may be delirious but I still think about things. Ok, maybe I don't think clearly but that is debatable. Once I had my outfit on, I went to the garage and began to unpack the Christmas decorations. Christmas at our house is quite an ordeal. We have literally dozens of boxes filled with all sort of decoration for the house inside and out. I decided it would be best to focus my efforts on the outside of the house. For that, I began pulling out strings of lights and having the kids test them to verify they were working correctly. I am of course referring to the lights here, not the children. As far as I can tell, the children never work correctly. The remainder of the day was spent climbing up and down the ladder hanging the icicle lights from the eaves of the house. It does seem weird hanging Christmas lights when it is 76 degrees outside and I am passed by people in shorts and tank tops. By the end of the day, all of the lights have been hung on the house with care in hopes that Saint Nicolas would visit us there. I only wish all of the decorations were up. This tends to be a week's worth of effort.