The Iceman Cometh

As I arrived home from work tonight, I asked the same thing I ask every night, "Did anyone go and get the mail?" Tonight, I received the same response I receive every night, "Oh, do we have to?" I often wonder about kids and what makes them tick. I mean how hard can it be to take the mail key and walk 100 yards to a mail box in 72 degree weather and retrieve four or five pieces of paper? It is not like I am asking them to battle fierce cold or march across the great plains in the dead of winter. But each day is the same thing. Well to save myself the trouble of repeating the lecture my father always gave me, I decided it would be best if I got the mail myself. So getting on my snow boots and snow pants, putting a turtleneck, sweater and parka on. I wrapped my neck in a scarf put a fur hat on and donned my down filled mittens to make the daily trek down to the mail box. The journey was long as I fought the fierce gale force winds shielding my eyes from the blizzard like conditions. My family waited eagerly at the window their breath fogging the glass as they awaited my return from the Arctic frozen tundra of Chandler Arizona. It seemed to take forever for this journey. I looked across the street my eyes now getting accustomed to the white-out conditions. I could make out my neighbor who was also battling the elements. There he stood staring at me as he was watering the lawn in his shorts. I must have looked like a crazed Eskimo mime. But looks mean nothing when you are battling the fierce elements of an Arizona winter. I reached the mailbox and quickly emptied its contents and stuffed them in my parka so they would not freeze and quickly made my way back to the house. There I was greeted at the door by my daughter Ashley. "Think you could have made that any more dramatic dad?" I think I made my point. Maybe next time they will not give me so much grief when I ask them to get the mail. Who am I kidding? Tomorrow will be the same. For now I am content to get out of this coat, I am dying. I home there are some popcicles left. I gotta cool off.