You Would Think I Would Learn

As Valentines Day arrives, I was feeling pretty good about myself. I had remembered that it was Monday and had even done a little shopping. Armed with a card, flowers, candy, and a gift; I was going for major points. A guy has so few opportunities to get out of the dog house, he has to make the most of it. I had gone all out. I even had a card especially made from one of those machines. I don’t presume to be a poet but my heart was in the right place. It simply said, “You’re better than a home run in the bottom of the ninth.” I thought if anyone would appreciate that, it would be Trina. As she opened the card, I had a hard time judging whether I was making points or not. When she finally got to the gift, she had a look of anticipation and I was sure this was the perfect gift. I was so eager for her to open it that I had to jump in as one of the kids and help her tear off the gift wrapping. As the box was opened, I waited for the squeal of joy that I was sure this gift would bring. Instead, I heard those five words that I have become so accustomed to, “Did you save the receipt?” I couldn’t believe it. How could any woman not love a satin teddy? I made sure it was the right size as I had feigned interest in the laundry for two weeks so I could get underwear sizes. I knew it would fit. I couldn’t figure out why she wouldn’t be parading around in this thing. It was perfect. It was made of material that had thousands of little Arizona Diamondbacks logos all over it. I fell in love with it the first time I saw it. I probably would have gotten one for myself if they would have had one my size. I just don’t get this holiday.

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