Did you ever have one of those days where you had a perfectly good plan for the day which ended up lasting about minutes? I had one of those today. I had been working on my plan for the entire off-season. For six long and painful months, I have been without baseball. Today marked the first day of Cactus League spring training games. I slept very little last night as I anticipated the events of today. I would get up early, be to work by seven, work through lunch then head over and see a ball game. What a perfect day. It started off well enough, I was up early and ready for work. I went downstairs and said hello to the family and sat on the couch to put on my shoes. This was where the plan began to unravel. Dog Dot Com came over to say hello. I bent down to pat her on the head and she mistook this action as a sign that I wanted to play. She jumped up and her little puppy teeth sunk deeply into my left ear. No I consider myself open minded and at times I feel I am in touch with the latest fads. I have seen kids with earrings and have not passed judgment on men wearing jewelry dandling from their ear lobes. I had once harbored thoughts of getting one myself. Three things stood in my way of getting my ear pierced. First, I was not quite sure which ear I was supposed to have pierced. Not wanting to send the wrong message, I felt it safer not to have my ear pierced. Second, I am somewhat old fashioned in that for the longest time, the only men I could envision wearing an earring were pirates. Now I am not currently a pirate, I don’t own a parrot, I live in a land locked state, and I don’t look good in a puffy shirt. These things considered, chances were I would never be a pirate. Third, my father once told me, “Son, you get your ears pierced, I’ll come down there and kick your butt.” Now I once saw my little brother defy my father and I witnessed the butt kicking he got. My dad is now 60 years old, but he could probably still kick my butt and that just doesn’t seem like something you want your kids to see. With all that said, Dog Dot Com decided I would look much better with another hole in my head. She therefore poked a hole through my left ear allowing me to do my best Vincent Van Gogh impression. Blood went everywhere and I could not get the thing to stop. It is interesting to note here that contrary to what my wife believed, I did not bleed Diamondbacks purple. So instead of going to work and to a baseball game, I went to the emergency room, got shot (like I needed another puncture wound), and spent the rest of the day with white gauze stuck to the side of my head. All in all, today turned out to be almost the exact opposite of what I had planned. I can tell you right now, I am not going to work with a bandage stuck to my head tomorrow. I will never hear the end of it. I am also not going anywhere near a gay bar until I can figure out if Dottie bit the right ear or not.

read more