March 5, 2000
After getting my first taste of baseball yesterday, I was ready for another game today. Plans were set, I would go to church then kick over to the ballpark to spend the afternoon. Those plans were quickly squelched when I looked out the window this morning to see 40 mile an hour winds and rain drops pelting my bedroom window. Surely the weather cannot be that bad outside. I have watched enough programs on the FOX network to understand the power of mind over matter. It wasn’t like I was attempting to walk on a bed of hot coals. This was a little wind and rain. I decided I would just pretend it was sunny and in the mid-seventies and everything would work out. I came home from church and put on my shorts, a t-shirt, my sunglasses, and my thongs and headed out the door. Upon walking to the driveway, my hat blew off and I had to chase it a quarter mile before I caught up with it. I turned to walk back to the house only to find myself doing my best mime impression of walking against the wind. When I finally got back to the house, I was soaking wet and freezing. I quickly ran into the house and jumped in the shower turning the hot water on full blast. After ten minutes, I began to thaw out. As I put on a turtleneck, a sweatshirt, my flannel pants, and my Goofy slippers I began to wonder where I was. This obviously was no longer the Valley of the Sun. Somehow, we had been transported to Bizzaro World where everything was opposite of what it was supposed to be. Looking out the window I wondered where all of the scientists were that had predicted global warming. I’m guessing they have all frozen to death sitting next to their swimming pools. I’m thinking maybe I should just stay home with an electric blanket and watch a re-run of one of last year’s games.