Death in the Family

It should have been a great day, one filled with happiness and joy. The weekend had arrived and I had planned to watch the Diamondbacks as they played the San Francisco Giants in the newly christened Pac Bell Park. When I arrived at home, I was greeted by crying children and visibly upset wife. I sat them all down to try and determine what the problem was. I felt like a United Nations interpretor as I tried to decipher their message between sobs. As near as I could make out, someone or something was dead. Worried, I listened closely to determine what had happened. As the family told me the story, my heart sank and I felt sick to my stomach. It seems that Dog Dot Com had gotten into the children's bedroom while they were at school and had found the lucky hat. She immediately used this hat as a chew toy completely destroying it. The kids began to cry harder as they pulled out what used to be the lucky hat. Looking around, I did not see the dog anywhere. I was afraid they had killed the dog as a sacrifice to the Baseball Gods to make up for the loss of the hat. The dog was safe and sound although she had been banished to the backyard for an undisclosed amount of time. I spent the evening trying to patch together the lucky hat but was unsuccessful. As I attempted to rebuild it much like the bionic man with parts from other hats, I soon realized my attempts were futile. The hat was gone. The results of the loss of this hat cannot be known at this time although the Diamondbacks did struggle tonight against the Giants. Tomorrow I will begin my search for another lucky hat, one we can send to Todd Stottlemyre for his autograph. I am afraid it can never be replaced. This dog may have cost us the National League Western Division pennant.