Diary of a Diehard

Each season there is the same ritual. The kids go to the Internet and download a listing of the giveaways the Diamondbacks will be having for the upcoming season. Based upon what is being given, each child develops a list of games they want to attend to collect their goodies. There are sometimes fights over who goes to what game but for the most part, these issues get worked out. Once in a while though there are arguments that get a little out of hand. Today happened to be one of those times. The giveaway tonight was USWest CD Holders. Mallorie had called this game the minute the schedule had been released. No one else was interested in this night so it was settled, or so we thought. As today’s game approached, it became apparent that this was the day Matt Mantei would rejoin the team. Tiffany had saved her money over the winter and purchased a Mantei baseball card that has become her most prized possession. She wanted to go to the game to see Matt and perhaps have him autograph her card. Here was the dilemma. Mallorie wanted the giveaway and Tiffany wanted the game. To complicate matters, Trina wanted a baby-sitter at home. The negotiations were vicious. I have to believe this is what the Israel / Palestine peace talks must be like. In the end, Tiffany went to the game. She had to promise to get a CD case for Mallorie at the door. Mallorie stayed home and baby-sat for Trina. In exchange, Mallorie was allowed a sleep over with her friends. I got to go to the game. Hey wait, I always get to go to the game. I guess I am not as good a negotiator as I thought I was.

It is always fascinating how different each of the kids deal with going to the game. Tiffany who I brought last night, spent her time before the game hanging out at the field fence calling the players over for autographs. She is very successful at this and usually gets her ball or baseball card signed. It is great that the players take time out of their schedule to stop and sign autographs for the kids. Tiffany has one ball that she is trying to get all of the team to autograph over the course of the year. She is already off to a good start with four players so far. Tonight, I have Mallorie with me. Tiffany has given Mallorie instructions to try and get a Greg Swindell autograph. Mallorie though is not interested at all with having the players sign for her sister. She is much more interested in the social aspects of the game. We had to be at the park early so that she could get the One Card promotional giveaway. Once that task was completed, she was interested in going to the team shop to see if there was something new for her to buy. The remainder of the game was spent networking with her various friends who were also at the game. Somewhere in there, she would watch a couple of innings. Regardless of their reasons, it is great to spend time with each of the kids one-on-one.

It was Whitney’s turn to go to the game. She was so excited to be able to go to the ballpark. For her, the game is more of an experience than just a ballgame. She is interested in seeing the sights than in watching the game. We have a deal that we watch the Diamondbacks take batting practice and then we go to the toy beyond center field for her to play before the game starts. For dinner, she always has to have chicken nuggets and cotton candy. If these needs are met, she is fine. She also refuses to go to the game when Armando Reynoso is pitching because the games take to long. With Brian Anderson on the mound, I felt pretty safe that we would get home at a decent hour. Unfortunately, her idea of decent and mine differ. At about the sixth inning, she began to get tired. She was very good sitting there in the seat next to me. About a batter later, she was sound asleep. She slept through the remainder of the game which happened to be very exciting as the Diamondbacks overcame a Rockies 4 run lead to win the game. The crowd all around us was yelling and screaming as the game went on. None of this seemed to matter to Whitney as she stayed asleep throughout. As the Diamondbacks came back and won the game in the eighth inning with Kim getting the save in the ninth, Whitney woke up just in time to pack up the seat cushions and head back to the car. All the way home, all she could do is talk about how much fun she had. Just think of the enjoyment she would have gotten if she had been awake.

This baseball season is taking on all of the signs of a George Lucas film. Our heroes, the Diamondbacks, soundly defeat the baseball empire winning the National League West in their second season. Now, it seems everyone is gunning for the Diamondbacks in one form or another. First, the emperor Bud Selig is trying to force the Diamondbacks to embrace the dark side and move to the American League. Young Luke Colangelo is fighting to maintain his Jedi presence in the National League. Nothing good can come from a game in which the pitcher does not bat. We do not need nor appreciate the DH (Darth Hitter). The other owners, jealous of the sudden success young Skywalker is having on his desert planet of Arizona are working hard to bring the Diamondbacks under control of the evil empire. All of the senators met together today in hopes of focusing on world domination or in layman’s terms, realignment. All that was lacking from the presentation that baseball made to the owners was Peter Magowan owner of the San Francisco Giants stating the classic movie line, “Jerry, I am your father. Come to the dark side and the two of us will overpower the emperor and rule the universe!” The parallels between Star Wars and baseball are uncanny. First, this saga, like the Star Wars universe, is far from over. Second, it is amazing how much an owner’s meeting resembles the canteen scene on Tatooine.

With the demise of the lucky hat, I was extremely nervous about tonight’s game. I had a very bad feeling and now I know why. We usually bring the hat to every game (at least we did after the no hitter last season). This marked the first time the lucky hat had not been in attendance. I sat there in my seat waiting for the game to begin. I felt much the same way a death row inmate does knowing the electric chair is only 90 feet away. Omar Daal pitched which usually means that it will be a fast and well pitched game. I could not have been more wrong. In the first inning I watched as he allowed 5 runs and faced 10 batters. The second inning did not get much better as he hit Jeff Cirillo in the back which cleared both benches and both bullpens. Luckily no punches were thrown although I think the Diamondback would have had the advantage since Matt Mantei is still on the disabled list but he was in the bullpen giving us a man advantage in the fight. When the smoke finally cleared and the roof began to close the scoreboard told the whole story. We lost 9-1, our worst loss this season. I have go to find another hat before this kills us.

With the demise of the lucky hat, things are not going well at our house. The Diamondbacks were rained out today and it looks as if Matt Mantei will not be activated tomorrow when he is eligible. This is coupled with the fact that several things have suddenly come up this week making it difficult for some of the kids to go to the games. Something must be done and done quickly to resolve the luck problems that the family and the Diamondbacks are having. Given this problem, I have set out on a quest to find a replacement for the lucky hat. I see that I really have two problems that I must deal with. First, I have got to find a hat. Unfortunately, it appears that neon orange Diamondbacks hats are quite rare. I would like to think that everyone has the fashion sense to appreciate a hat of this hue but I am afraid it was some sort of mad scientist experiment that has gone bad. I have not given up hope and will continue on my quest to find a hat. Once I procure the hat, I have another problem. This problem is probably more difficult than finding the hat. The original lucky hat was autographed by Todd Stottlemyre across the top of the brim. I am not quite sure how I am going to pull this one off but given the fortunes that our family and the Diamondbacks have had to endure this past few days, I have got to get this done in a hurry.

I have faced fire throwing pitchers. I have been run over on the base paths. I have been hit by a pitch where I could count the indention of baseball stitches on my arm for 17 days. I have even survived collisions at the plate that broke my arm and the catcher’s leg. All of this adversity pales to the pain I felt as I watched my daughter go out on her first date. As a father, I was there in the delivery room as Trina gave birth to Ashley and I watched as she took her first breath. I fondly remember her learning to walk and teaching her to sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”. I worked with her as she grew to swing a bat and not throw like a girl. I watched as she got her first hit and I held her as she lost her first game. None of this prepared me for the moment when she was no longer my little girl. She was now a young lady and one which it appears is quite popular with the young men. Ashley is dating a nice kid. He’s an athlete (although he is not a ball player, he races mountain bikes). They enjoy each other’s company and he is making an effort to understand and appreciate baseball so it could be a lot worse. Even given that, I sit here waiting for her to return home from her date wondering how many more ballgames we will be going to before she outgrows spending time with her father. All of a sudden I am feeling very old. Maybe I can get a job at the ballpark being one of those retired ball boys.

It should have been a great day, one filled with happiness and joy. The weekend had arrived and I had planned to watch the Diamondbacks as they played the San Francisco Giants in the newly christened Pac Bell Park. When I arrived at home, I was greeted by crying children and visibly upset wife. I sat them all down to try and determine what the problem was. I felt like a United Nations interpretor as I tried to decipher their message between sobs. As near as I could make out, someone or something was dead. Worried, I listened closely to determine what had happened. As the family told me the story, my heart sank and I felt sick to my stomach. It seems that Dog Dot Com had gotten into the children’s bedroom while they were at school and had found the lucky hat. She immediately used this hat as a chew toy completely destroying it. The kids began to cry harder as they pulled out what used to be the lucky hat. Looking around, I did not see the dog anywhere. I was afraid they had killed the dog as a sacrifice to the Baseball Gods to make up for the loss of the hat. The dog was safe and sound although she had been banished to the backyard for an undisclosed amount of time. I spent the evening trying to patch together the lucky hat but was unsuccessful. As I attempted to rebuild it much like the bionic man with parts from other hats, I soon realized my attempts were futile. The hat was gone. The results of the loss of this hat cannot be known at this time although the Diamondbacks did struggle tonight against the Giants. Tomorrow I will begin my search for another lucky hat, one we can send to Todd Stottlemyre for his autograph. I am afraid it can never be replaced. This dog may have cost us the National League Western Division pennant.

The Diamondbacks played their final game of the series with the San Diego Padres this afternoon. The Padres were celebrating opening day with the military and as such, they wore special jersey’s for today’s game. Their shirts were camouflaged with greens and browns. They looked like a convention of Ducks Unlimited members. I kept waiting for them to march in formation to and from the dugout. I have never seen anything quite like these uniforms. I thought I had seen it all when the Diamondbacks held their turn-ahead the clock night when the uniforms were inspired by the Jetsons on drugs. I truly believe that Ty Cobb and Babe Ruth probably are rolling over in their graves just thinking about how the game has been taken over by the marketing department. What ever happened to the time when a family could go to a game, get in and get fed and watch baseball. Instead, the ballpark has become some kind of amusement park. The stadiums and the uniforms are in some cases more entertaining than the teams on the field.