May 10, 2000
My season with the Diamondbacks has in many ways mirrored the novel Moby Dick. Much like Captain Ahab, I too am searching and battling with my own nemesis. I continue the quest for a picture of my personal white whale, Matt Williams bald head. I began my quest in January at the Phoenix Open where I followed Williams around during the skins game (how ironic is that title?) but I was unable to catch this illusive character without his hat. I went as far as asking him to remove his hat for a photography but was dissed. I again came in contact with Williams during spring training but again was unsuccessful in my quest for a picture sans-hat. For three weeks I followed the beast as he went from park to park always beyond my lens length when he removed his hat. As spring training ended, Matt was hurt which left me without a challenge for a short time. My adversary returned this past week to renew our rivalry. Matt began taking batting practice and fielding practice but always with his hat in place. When Fuji Film Fan Photo day came, there he was off the starboard side. A magnificent animal, mist majestically flowing from his blow hole. A golden opportunity. I quickly moved my peg leg in order to set myself for another encounter. Perhaps this would be the day my quest would end. The great beast approached, I tossed my daughter Tiffany to lure him. Matt took the bait and approached. There I stood eye-to-eye with this noble opponent. “Aye, would ye consider removin’ yer hat for a picture?” I asked. The mere sound of my voice frightened the great mammal as he turned before I could fire a shot. Alas, I saw him move in the distance knowing my quest would again go unfulfilled. Before the game last night, I again saw Moby Matt as he moved around the field during batting practice. I had not brought my camera and was forced to watch as he stood in front of me facing the plate and removed his cap. It was as if he were mocking me. The light glistened off his brilliant white scalp. I could do nothing but wail in pain at the thoughts of another lost opportunity. I think I shall never be able to face these demons associated with my quest for the white whale.