Nostradamus Throws Like a Girl

It is amazing what you will watch at three o’clock in the morning when you can’t get to sleep. As I sat here, the events of the past away series against the New York Mets continued to plague me. How could we lose three one-run games to these guys? I absently turned on the television and began to scan the channels. On some obscure satellite channel sandwiched between a Middle Eastern cooking show and some guy telling me the finer points of tying flies in Spanish I came across a show about Nostradamus. As I sat there listening to how this guy was some kind of prophet I became more and more skeptical. Oh sure, it is impressive that some 16th century dude can look into a bowl of stagnant water and somehow predict future events. But if he was so cool, why didn’t he warn the Chicago Cubs about the goat curse or raise a red flag that spelled out what would happen to the Boston Red Sox if they traded away the Babe? See, this guy spent all of his time staring at his water glass that he missed the big picture. I mean how much use are we getting out of his so-called predictions. Every one of the examples that were stated in this show were of events that have already taken place. Duh, I can predict what would happen after the fact too. Yeah, I recognize that he was talking about events that happened several hundred years after his death but the least he could have done was put in a bookmark so we could find it before the events happened. And while we’re at it, why couldn’t he have predicted something actually useful like World Series champions? I’ll bet his descendants could have found a lot more use for that type of information. I’m thinking that Nostradamus was probably the last person picked when the kids went out to play ball. On the other hand, he could probably pick which team would win the game. It was probably always the team who didn’t have a sissy playing right field that stared at his water and talked in four line poems that no one could understand.

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