Diary of a Diehard

Even the best laid plans are not successful. This was the case with my perfect shopping trip yesterday. I was so proud of myself for getting Trina a Diamondbacks hat at the team shop that I could hardly contain myself. You can imagine how amazed I was to hear that she didn’t even list black Diamondbacks hat as one of the gifts she would like to see on Mother’s Day. Luckily, I got the hat in a size that would fit me just in case this would happen. (Again, I cannot believe how well planned out this gift idea was.) At the top of Trina’s list was flowers and plants for her flower bed in front.

Continue reading ‘Jolly Green Thumb Giant’ »

With the Diamondbacks out of town, I need to find something to pass the time until they return home. At first I thought about working around the house but quickly talked myself out of that. There’s no reason to completely lose my head. I was standing at the calendar, rechecking the number of days until the next Diamondbacks game (hey, it is possible that I might have miscounted. Dang! I was right the first time!) when I suddenly realized that mother’s day was only two days away. This was perfect, I could easily kill a few days shopping for the perfect gift for Trina. With a new purpose in life, I grabbed my Diamondbacks hat, an AM radio so that I could keep up with the Diamondbacks and Padres game, and my keys and headed out the door. As with most men, I headed directly to the mall. I determined that this location had the largest concentration of stores so that even if I couldn’t find something at the first shop, chances were that I wouldn’t have to drive very far to find something. I really had no idea what to get Trina so I did what I do best, I wandered around. By about the fourth inning, I was getting pretty tired then it hit me. The Team Shop. What woman wouldn’t want something from the Team Shop? This was perfect. I could pick her up a new Diamondbacks hat and be able to catch the end of the game. Sometimes I amaze myself at the ideas I come up with.

With the completion of last night’s game, the Diamondbacks now leave on a nine game road trip. That means I won’t be back at Bank One Ballpark for another 12 days, 22 hours, 47 minutes and 13 seconds. Usually I can pass the time by watching the away games on television but today is an off day for the Diamondbacks meaning there is no game to see. I sat on the couch, my remote in my hand flipping through the channels trying desperately to find some baseball game. At this point, I would even settle for a replay of a 1973 little league game. As I was channel surfing, I paused to rest my index finger and sip my Gatorade. There on the screen was an African lion who had just awoke from a tranquilizer dart to find himself in a small cage surrounded by six zookeepers intently watching how he was handling his captivity. I came to the realization that art does indeed imitate life as I looked around to find my own personal zookeepers watching as I paced back and forth perusing the satellite guide trying to find a baseball game. The children whispered among themselves that perhaps they should call the Discovery Channel and see where they could get some of those lion darts. I tried to ignore them as I looked at my watch. Only 12 days, 22 hours, 45 minutes and 37 seconds until the gates at BOB open.

My season with the Diamondbacks has in many ways mirrored the novel Moby Dick. Much like Captain Ahab, I too am searching and battling with my own nemesis. I continue the quest for a picture of my personal white whale, Matt Williams bald head. I began my quest in January at the Phoenix Open where I followed Williams around during the skins game (how ironic is that title?) but I was unable to catch this illusive character without his hat. I went as far as asking him to remove his hat for a photography but was dissed. I again came in contact with Williams during spring training but again was unsuccessful in my quest for a picture sans-hat. For three weeks I followed the beast as he went from park to park always beyond my lens length when he removed his hat. As spring training ended, Matt was hurt which left me without a challenge for a short time. My adversary returned this past week to renew our rivalry. Matt began taking batting practice and fielding practice but always with his hat in place. When Fuji Film Fan Photo day came, there he was off the starboard side. A magnificent animal, mist majestically flowing from his blow hole. A golden opportunity. I quickly moved my peg leg in order to set myself for another encounter. Perhaps this would be the day my quest would end. The great beast approached, I tossed my daughter Tiffany to lure him. Matt took the bait and approached. There I stood eye-to-eye with this noble opponent. “Aye, would ye consider removin’ yer hat for a picture?” I asked. The mere sound of my voice frightened the great mammal as he turned before I could fire a shot. Alas, I saw him move in the distance knowing my quest would again go unfulfilled. Before the game last night, I again saw Moby Matt as he moved around the field during batting practice. I had not brought my camera and was forced to watch as he stood in front of me facing the plate and removed his cap. It was as if he were mocking me. The light glistened off his brilliant white scalp. I could do nothing but wail in pain at the thoughts of another lost opportunity. I think I shall never be able to face these demons associated with my quest for the white whale.

New technology always fascinates me. I am intrigued at the new ideas and products that come out and I am always trying to determine how I can take advantage of these new toys to make my life different. Notice I said different and not better. One of my personality traits is that I thrive on change. My theory is that different is better than same. Perhaps that is why I am such a non-conformist. I would rather rock the boat than sit around and enjoy a smooth ride.

Continue reading ‘Skin Me’ »

Matt Mantei went onto the disabled list for a second time in a month. He is suffering from a weak arm and will begin rehabilitation this week. The Diamondbacks have placed him on the same workout program they used for Todd Stottlemyre last year as he recovered from a torn rotator cuff. Mantei continues to throw on the side and is reporting no pain. In his absence, the Diamondbacks have been using a bullpen by committee. Byung-Hyun Kim continues to dominate his opponents and is the Diamondbacks best hope for a closer. Vicente Padilla was brought up from Tucson to fill Mantei’s roster spot and has looked very good in his outings for the Diamondbacks. Even with the emergence of these two young stars, the Diamondbacks continue to talk with other teams about possibly acquiring another relief pitcher. The name that seems to come each time is Roberto Hernandez of Tampa Bay. Arizona tried to trade for Hernandez last season but a deal could not be worked out. Talks are resuming between the teams. Don’t be surprised to see a trade happen before the all-star break. Given the log jam of outfielders the Diamondbacks possess, it seems most logical that the trade will involve some package of these players.

Continue reading ‘Let’s Make a Deal’ »

It’s funny how pieces of your childhood tend to carry forward into your adult life. As a young boy, I had the opportunity to play baseball for several traveling all-star teams. Before each tournament, the coach would give each of us 15-20 pins. We used these pins to trade with other athletes from other areas of the country. It was always cool to receive a pin that you could put on your baseball cap to show the various parts of the country where you had played. As each tournament ended, I would take the pins home and place them in a drawer. When I got more than a few, the jar gave way to a pin board. As the pin board filled, I moved my collection to a book. Through the years, I have continued to collect and trade pins. As my love for baseball continued, I began to pick up pins from different teams from the National and American leagues. When the Diamondbacks began, they introduced several pins that commemorate the history of the team. I find that before each home game, I will walk through the team shop and see if they have any new pins. Today I stopped by and found that there were three new pins for the Diamondbacks that I did not have. I immediately picked them up to add to my collection. It is pretty cool to look back and be able to relive memories that bridge the gap from my childhood through my adult life.

Sunday marked the annual Fuji Film Fan Photo day. I am sure this is a day that all of the players just dread. They are asked to parade around the field in their uniforms while 3,000 people with disposable cameras snap off countless pictures. Of course there are a multitude of people who ignore the no autograph rules and beg the players to sign everything from baseballs to shirts, to their arms and legs. This is the third year that I have taken one of the children with me. For the first two years, Mallorie called the game as soon as the schedule came out. This year, Tiffany negotiated the opportunity to go to the game. Armed with her disposable Fuji camera, we headed down to the ballpark. Being a veteran, I knew there would be a line waiting to get in. What I had not anticipated was that people would begin lining up at 7 AM when the gates did not open until 11 AM. By the time we arrived, we were well back in line. Tiffany was disappointed but I assured her that we would be able to get into the park just fine. As the gates opened, me and 2,999 of my closest friends made our way out onto the warning track. The players came by in groups of 3-4 and flashes began to light up the stadium. I have never actually seen a nuclear blast, but I can now envision what the flash of light must look like as the bomb detonates. It amazes me that the players could even play a game after this experience. For the first several innings, all they would probably be able to see was blue dots from all the flashes. Tiffany had a great time and I now have pictures of the players and hundreds of complete strangers. It was truly a Kodak moment.

Somewhere in Kentucky, there are thousands of people sucking down green drinks with leaves sticking out of them while watching large farm animals carrying small humans who all sound like they have been breathing helium around an oval of dirt. At the end of this ritual, the fastest farm animal is rewarded with a blanket made from left over St. Valentine’s bouquets of roses. I can only assume that someone has taken the time to remove the thorns from these flowers. It is a strange ritual that I struggle to understand but it appears to be popular since it is the lead story on ESPN every year about this time. Today was no exception, when I returned home from the game, I immediately turned on the television to try and catch the afternoon baseball scores and highlights. Instead, I was greeted by 19 horses trapped in small gates all being released with munchkins slapping the animal’s behinds with long whips. The story of the day of course was that the horse that was favored to win actually won. To me, this is like celebrating when the weather man correctly predicts that the sun will shine. If the horse was supposed to win, why all the excitement? But excitement there was, the highlights showed the owner’s box where there must have been at least 20 screaming Japanese people jumping up and down. I had not seen this amount of noise and excitement since the last Godzilla film festival on the Science Fiction channel. With all the sports news that happened today, I am at a loss as to why this was chosen to lead the broadcast. Pedro Martinez strikes out 17 and loses to Tampa Bay 1-0 and yet here I sit watching some Japanese girl jumping up and down squealing as she watches some short dude with no fashion sense drive a horse in a circle. Society desperately needs to reevaluate its priorities.