Run for the Roses

Somewhere in Kentucky, there are thousands of people sucking down green drinks with leaves sticking out of them while watching large farm animals carrying small humans who all sound like they have been breathing helium around an oval of dirt. At the end of this ritual, the fastest farm animal is rewarded with a blanket made from left over St. Valentine’s bouquets of roses. I can only assume that someone has taken the time to remove the thorns from these flowers. It is a strange ritual that I struggle to understand but it appears to be popular since it is the lead story on ESPN every year about this time. Today was no exception, when I returned home from the game, I immediately turned on the television to try and catch the afternoon baseball scores and highlights. Instead, I was greeted by 19 horses trapped in small gates all being released with munchkins slapping the animal’s behinds with long whips. The story of the day of course was that the horse that was favored to win actually won. To me, this is like celebrating when the weather man correctly predicts that the sun will shine. If the horse was supposed to win, why all the excitement? But excitement there was, the highlights showed the owner’s box where there must have been at least 20 screaming Japanese people jumping up and down. I had not seen this amount of noise and excitement since the last Godzilla film festival on the Science Fiction channel. With all the sports news that happened today, I am at a loss as to why this was chosen to lead the broadcast. Pedro Martinez strikes out 17 and loses to Tampa Bay 1-0 and yet here I sit watching some Japanese girl jumping up and down squealing as she watches some short dude with no fashion sense drive a horse in a circle. Society desperately needs to reevaluate its priorities.

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