June 2000 Archives

When the Diamondbacks schedule came out for the 2000 season, this was the game I was most afraid of. It was not because Ken Griffey Junior makes his Cincinnati Reds debut at Bank One Ballpark. It was not because the Reds dominated the Diamondbacks last year. No, tonight was scary because it is Disco night at the ballpark. Having grown up during that time, I know exactly what the music and clothing was like. It has taken lots of years and lots of money to try and get over the experience and yet the Diamondbacks continue to make me relive the experience each season. As I stood in line to get into the ballpark, I am surrounded by polyester clad fans who are here for the festivities rather than the ballgame. Disco music is blaring through the loudspeakers and there is a mirrored ball hanging above the pool area in right center field. Large afros, bell-bottomed pants, and poofy hair are everywhere in the stadium. As I was heading to my seat, a four foot midget with 12 inch platform shoes stepped on my foot. No good can come from a promotion like this. It is just creepy to know that there are this many people who these articles of clothing still in their closet. I for one refused to dress in these period costumes. Tiffany, my 10 year old thinks this is great. In fact, there was a big fight at the house as Mallorie and Tiffany each fought over who got to come to tonight's game. I'm freaking out man, I'm really freaking out. The only thing missing from tonight is the sound effects from the Six Million Dollar Man when Alex Cabrera swings his bat. Now that would have been classic.

It is amazing how the Arizona Diamondbacks have come to resemble a M*A*S*H unit. Each day it seems there is another player or coach that becomes hurt or unable to play. It began with Matt Williams going on the disabled list with a sore quadriceps muscle. That was followed by first base coach Dwayne Murphy having his knee operated on. This was followed by Todd Stottlemyre re-injuring his right elbow. Pitching coach Mark Conner went next being treated for a kidney stone. This was followed by Erubiel Durazo going on the disabled list for his ailing wrist. As if the players and coaches weren't enough, I go to the game and watch as some fan catches a foul ball off the bat of Jay Bell right in the face and have to be carted out on a stretcher. I have come to the conclusion that maybe we should change the Diamondbacks uniforms to Army fatigues. But there is always a bright side to trials such as this. As television has shown, there is humor even in war. I began to think that maybe the Diamondbacks are in ways similar to the old 1970's sit-com. We have Buck who is much like Colonel Potter. A kindly commander who has a few quirks of his own. Rather than painting and riding horses, Buck carries a clipboard and rides players. We have a little guy just like Radar who anticipates what his commander needs. Buck's right hand man is Carlos Tosca the bench coach. He is the one that keeps things going. Hawkeye and BJ would be played by Matt Williams and Jay Bell. They are the old guard who are responsible for maintaining sanity in the camp. Brian Anderson would be Klinger just because he is the only one crazy enough to wear a dress onto the field. Of course we would need to set our cast of characters in an authentic setting so we would include Kim to show everyone that our show is set in Korea. Yeah, this just may work.

For one reason or another, I have been classified as a baseball fanatic. I am unclear what the reason is for this distinction but I have decided that if I am to be one, I should at least try to be the best possible fanatic I can. The first order of business is to try and define what exactly a fanatic is. I have interviewed several people at the ballpark in order to determine what the correct definition would be. What I have found is that there is little common ground between what constitutes a fanatic. What is most interesting is that each of the people I interviewed viewed me as a fanatic while they themselves were not. The mentally deficient dude with the megaphone and Diamondbacks shoelaces was not a fanatic. The husband and wife with matching Randy Johnson jerseys and a Diamondbacks helmet that held two beer cans with straws were not fanatics. The overweight guy with the garbage bag of "K" signs that he runs to the top of the section for each Randy Johnson strike out was not a fanatic. The two girls wearing the "Ice Girls" T-shirts with the sign proclaiming Matt Mantei a Hottie were not fanatics. I took the next several innings to determine what behavior was necessary to be classified as a fanatic. By the end of the game, I had determined that a baseball fanatic was someone who could tell the umpire had missed a called ball or strike from the upper deck outfield stands and yet could not find his car in the parking lot.

Of all the opposing players that come to Bank One Ballpark, the one my children most look forward to is Jose Lima. Granted, seeing Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa smashing the cover off the ball with monster home runs is interesting but it is Jose Lima with his knickers, black socks, and backwards hat that bring the biggest sparkle to their eyes. His personality and antics before the game are contagious. Given this man is a major star in his own right, it is refreshing to see him take time with the fans and bringing joy to children and adults alike. My kids first met Lima last season when he was nearly unhittable. He came out for batting practice and began to play to the crowd. At one point he took Tiffany's hat and put it on his head and began dancing around the outfield. This brought laughs and smiles to all the kids except for Mallorie. Mallorie was a little put out because she suddenly realized that Tiffany had been wearing her hat without her permission. Lima saw Mallorie's face and really played it up breaking down whatever barriers there were between these siblings. He finished by stopping and signing autographs for nearly 100 fans never once complaining. He genuinely friendly and cordial to everyone, especially the children. Major League players could learn a lot about giving back to the fans from a player like Jose Lima. As the schedule was released at the first of the year, this four game series brought one of the bigger arguments at our house as everyone wanted to attend these games. Mallorie won out for today's game. She did learn from last year though and left her hat at home. She didn't need any more dancing hats in the outfield.

For the past couple of months I have been hearing rumors of the hitting prowess of a minor league player within the Diamondbacks AA affiliate El Paso Diablos. He is a seven year veteran of the minor leagues and was tearing up the Texas League hitting .382 while slugging 35 home runs in 53 games. With the injury to Todd Stottlemyre, the Diamondbacks have a roster spot open and decided to take a look at the young first baseman. I heard Cabrera was at Bank One Ballpark and decided to go down early to see if I could get a glimpse of his hitting ability during batting practice. Unfortunately, Cabrera took his swings before the public was allowed into the stadium. I did see him out in right field shagging fly balls. He is a huge guy with a physique similar to Mark McGwire. I did not anticipate seeing Alex in game action but in the bottom of the eighth inning, he came to the plate as a pinch hitter for Travis Lee. After fouling a ball back that nearly hit the roof, Cabrera let one fly hitting a home run in his first Major League at bat. The ball went 400 feet to left centerfield. Perhaps it wasn't just double A pitching making this guy look good.

Sunday was Dakota's turn to go to the ball game with me. He and I go to nearly every Sunday game together. For one, it gives me a chance to spend some time with him and more importantly, it gives Trina a break from dealing with Tropical Storm Dakota. As the father of four daughters, I had always heard how little boys were different than girls. I had always nodded my head at these comments while in the back of my mind discounting the source as being somewhat out of touch. After all, kids are kids right? Well, Dakota has provided proof that there is indeed a major difference between raising girls and boys. If we had had Dakota as the first child rather than the last, we would have stopped at one. He has more energy and gets into more mischief than any other three kids. Today was again a Bullpen Buddy day and Dakota definitely wanted to go down onto the field. We stood in line so that he could get a wrist band to get onto the field. As the Diamondbacks came out to warm up, the children were led onto the field. Because Brian Anderson was working out in the bullpen, the kids were lined up along the third base line to wait for autographs. That was just fine with Dakota. He was fascinated with the dirt base paths and took every opportunity to kick the dirt or pick up handfuls and put it in his pocket for later. As Damian Miller and Danny Klassen made their way down to line to sign autographs, Dakota was busy playing with the dirt. I had hoped the little dudester would go to sleep during the game but much to the dismay of me and the people sitting around me, he stayed awake for the whole game. He was great though cheering the Diamondbacks on to victory.

For the past three years, the Diamondbacks have played a home game on June 24 and I have been here each year with my daughter Tiffany. It has become a tradition for us to spend this day at the ballpark together. It is Tiffany's birthday and she is ten years old. Today is an extra special day for her since the Diamondbacks also held the third annual autograph party at Bank One Ballpark. Here several of the players and coaches came together to raise money for ALS by signing autographs for the fans for a donation. I brought Ashley to the party last year but since the autograph party was being held on Tiffany's birthday this year she was able to attend. She was very excited as she was able to meet several of her favorite players. The players were all very gracious and brought a sparkle to her eyes as she spoke to each of them. She met with Jay Bell and Greg Swindell, Brian Anderson and Danny Bautista, Greg Colbrunn and Damian Miller, Armando Reynoso and Todd Stottlemyre, Tony Womack and Hanley Frias, Erubiel Durazo and Mike Morgan, Matt Williams and Buck Showalter. By the end of the party she had collected nearly half the team on her baseball. The excitement continued at the game when during warm-ups, Byung-Hyun Kim brought her a ball. Of course her friend Matt Mantei was there to wish her a happy birthday and play a few jokes on her as well. Although the Diamondbacks happened to lose the game, she still enjoyed herself and I got to spend a great day with my daughter. It doesn't get much better than that.

It has been an odd day and and even stranger game. Tonight was the day everyone has been talking about this week. I would have hoped it was because of the important series that was starting with the Colorado Rockies to determine who would be in first place of the National League Western Division. Instead, everyone was a buzz about what the new mascot would be and what would he look like. During batting practice, several fans were lined along the wall near left field to perhaps get a ball or an autograph. Tonight, one fan got a little more than he bargained for. With Bernard Gilkey at the plate, this fan was not paying attention and caught a line drive right in the mouth. He immediately went into shock and the parametics came over to assist him. While they were working on him, he fainted falling backwards onto the concrete stairs on his head. It was quite a sight. After practice was over, the crowd made their way to their seats waiting for the mascot to be unveiled. The fans didn't have to wait long as D. Baxter Bobcat made his debut just before game time. He came out, did some flips and cruised around the outfield in a modified go-cart. As the players went out onto the field for the game, Baxter rushed to the pitching mound and retrieved the ball for starter Brian Anderson. The crowd cheered but I have to wonder what will happen tomorrow if he tries that same stunt with Randy Johnson on the mound. My guess is we will witness the first mascot execution in the history of baseball. After watching the hijinx of this furry dude, I have ranked him right below the wave of things most annoying at a ball game. My only hope is that this creature leaves his antics off the field and not annoy the players or the fans. Mascots in baseball don't seem like a good idea. Maybe it is just a concidence, but before we had a mascot, no fan had ever caught a ball in the mouth during warm-ups. I'm thinking this cat is jinxed and I for one want no part of it.

Tonight was the final game of the series with the San Diego Padres and as it turns out, it is the final game of the season between the Arizona Diamondbacks and the San Diego Padres. This point really irritates me. Can someone please explain to me how it is possible for the Diamondbacks to be finished for the season with the Padres and it is not even all-star break? Where in the world did we get this schedule? In my wildest dreams, I cannot imagine who is working on this schedule and what form of narcotics they must be on. Other than substance abuse, how else can you explain that a team will not be facing a divisional opponent after June 21? Now I am usually a level headed individual who thinks rationally but this schedule has me believing in a conspiracy theory that Bud Selig is behind this madness. I am beginning to believe that this is a ploy to make the fans so enraged at how the schedule is laid out that we will gladly accept realignment to eliminate this schedule from happening again. Of course realignment would include moving Arizona to the American League which would do nothing from a scheduling standpoint. I have another suggestion rather than realignment. Maybe we should use a computer to determine the schedule rather than placing 30 bananas in a room full of monkeys and wait for them to recommend match-ups. Think of the possibilities, if there is a problem with the schedule, we blame it on Y2K. If teams don't meet after June 21, we blame a faulty memory chip. If Bud Selig is mysteriously removed from office and replaced with a human equivalent, we claim the computer was hit with a virus. This plan is fool proof (or is that Bud proof?) and should be recommended immediately.

The Diamondbacks have announced that they will be unveiling a new mascot on Friday. For the past two and a half years, the team has resisted the temptation to add a mascot and thereby maintain some sanity at the ballgame. But after attendance has been down 2 percent this season, it seems the marketing department has won out. Leading up to the big game on Friday, the Diamondbacks are holding a couple of contests for the fans to guess the name of the mascot and also what type of animal it is. My kids and I have been out to the Diamondbacks web site trying to figure out what the mascot should be. At the game each night, they hold a contest similar to Wheel of Fortune where part of the name is revealed and you have to guess what it might be. Trina took this as a personal challenge and has spent the last two nights racking her brain trying to figure out what the name is. So far, they have revealed _A_TER. For eight and one-half innings Trina went through every permutation of word that she could think of. Finally, as the final out was recorded, she determined that the name has to be BAXTER. Now if we can only figure out what type of animal we are dealing with, we will be set.

After what seemed like an eternity (hey, without baseball seven days is an eternity), the Diamondback came back to town. With Mallorie in tow, I jumped in the car and headed to Bank One Ballpark to catch a game. The Diamondbacks are playing the San Diego Padres which means that maybe this series we will see Tony Gwynn on the field. He is a pretty cool guy and is great with the kids so we decided to go down for batting practice. While the Diamondbacks were up, Bernard Gilkey came to the plate. He lined a couple into left field while Mallorie and I stood along the wall at the foul line. The very next pitch was lined hard and headed straight for Mallorie. She was like a deer in headlights as she stood staring at her impending doom. I instinctly took off my hat and held it like a mitt hoping to stop the ball before it got to Mallorie. The ball whizzed by me and into my waiting hat. Unfortunately, my hat was no match for the ball. The bill separated from the hat with the ball still cradled inside. The hat gently landed in Mallorie's lap where she retrieved the ball and gave me back what was left of my hat. It looks like it is time to get a new hat.

Nineteen years ago, I was a nervous wreck. I can remember being up at 4:30 AM and not being able to go back to sleep. I packed and unpacked what I would wear today about a million times. I watched the sun rise understanding this would be the last day I would do this alone. At six, I got in my car and drove across town where I met Trina. She was beautiful that day as she is every day. Her eyes sparkled as we looked at each other unaware of the consequences of the decision we were about to make. As the day went on and the activities became more hurried, it has still not sunk in that I was no longer a bachelor and that I would be sharing an eternity with this wonderful woman. I look back over the years and I cannot imagine my life with anyone else but Trina. It is somewhat sad that while we were exchanging wedding vows, all I heard was "take this man for better" while all Trina got was "or worse". I will admit, I am not the easiest person to live with and at times it would be easier to live without but through all of that Trina has stuck around. Perhaps it is her maternal instincts since I have been told on more than one occasion that Trina is raising six kids rather than five and a husband. I may have aged through the years but never grown up. Looking back over our marriage, it has been quite an adventure. Whether it was taking a spring break from college and driving to Disneyland where we slept in the car because I forgot to reserve a hotel room, or breaking her Precious Moments figurine when I hit an errant nerf ball when playing in the living room, Trina has endured it all. In many cases she merely shakes her head and quietly walks off. If the Lord does indeed watch over us, He and Trina will have a long talk when we leave this earth at which time Trina should be awarded sainthood. I love her with all my heart and am grateful that in a time of weakness, she agreed to be my wife.

This year, Father's Day and our wedding anniversary fall on the same day. This is the first time that has happened since we have been married and I have to admit, I was less than thrilled when I first realized this. How in the world could the schedulers not have understood the monumental importance of this date and not scheduled a home game for the Diamondbacks. I think this is the first time since the Diamondbacks have been in existance that I have not been at a game for our anniversary. Trina seems almost relieved. I cannot imagine why since I take her to the game every year on this day. I had thought about taking her to Colorado to celebrate our anniversary but I could not get tickets to the game. So instead, I am left to shop for Trina a gift that expresses our love. Looking back over the past few occasions, I have been less than successful in my gift giving. On Valentines Day there was the Diamondbacks teddy that she never wears. On Mother's Day there was the Diamondbacks hat that I have never seen her wear. I am not quite sure what is wrong with her. I asked the kids what I should get their mother for her anniversary and the answer was unanimous, nothing with a Diamondbacks logo. I was shocked, surely they were mistaken but I decided to play it safe. I spent the past several days looking around to see if I could determine what it was that she needed. After careful analysis I found the one thing that she could definitely use. It was brilliant. Every time she picked this item up, she would think of me and the love I have for her. It was settled, I am going to get her a new spatula. Not wanting to be in the dog house once again, I decided to add a little something to it and got her a new Diamondbacks shirt that she can wear to the game this week. Yeah, I'm feeling pretty good about this one.

After a four game series where they split with the Los Angeles Dodgers, the Diamondbacks were off to Colorado for a three game series with the Rockies. I had really wanted go up to one of the games in Colorado but Trina slammed the brakes on that idea. She seems to think that 83 games in Phoenix (81 regular season plus 2 Spring Training) plus a series in San Diego are plenty of baseball. It is obvious that I need to continue to work on her priorities since they still seem to be a little out of whack. At first I thought she didn't realize the importance of this series but as I tried to explain it to her she just stood there with her arms crossed staring at me like I was a small child. I attempted to explain to her the other benefits of making this road trip. We would be able to get out of the heat. We could go to some of the museums in Denver or perhaps take the kids to the Denver Mint to watch as money was being created. It would be a change to get away from all the hassles of everyday life. All of these valid arguments were shot down one right after another. How could she not see the beauty of this plan and jump at the opportunity. Dejected, I was relegated to watching the game on television. As it got to game time, I turned on the television only to find that tonight's game had been rained out. Trina of course took this opportunity to drive home a point. "You mean I would have been stuck in a hotel room with 5 kids and a husband staring out the window at rain falling down? Yeah, that sounds like a vacation." On paper, this had seemed like a good idea.

It has been quite a wild day as we rush around doing last minute shopping for the upcoming Father's day. Given that both Trina and my parents live in Idaho, we are a little tardy in this. My dad has come to expect that his present will not arrive actually on Father's Day but should be there sometime before the fourth of July. I will try to call him although he will probably be on a boat fishing somewhere. At the very least, I will send an e-mail knowing full well that my dad checks his e-mail once a year when it is raining to hard to go fishing or there is to much wind to go goose hunting. I have a lot of admiration for my dad, he has taught me many valuable lessons in life which has helped mold me into the person I am today. Besides, through borrowing his tools, I have been able to accumulate quite a collection myself. It is always difficult shopping for my dad for any occasion. It is not that I don't love him or want to get him the perfect gift. Rather on the contrary, I would love to come up with something he would love and cherish. But after sixty years on this planet, my dad has accumulated a lot of stuff and doesn't really need anything else. I am left to ponder what would be appropriate to send to him. In the past couple of years it has been relatively easy. I sent him something nice from the team shop. Now though, I am not sure he needs another Diamondbacks polo shirt or another hat. So I am left wondering what I should do. As I wandered around the mall, my gaze goes from display to display looking for something to catch my eye. I was fascinated with the singing fish but I'm not sure my dad would appreciate such a cultural gift. Not to mention my mom would kill me for introducing such an item into her decor. I guess the search will continue.

In an odd turn of events, there was actually a triple header on ESPN for the game of the week. This was the result of weather, early schedules, and sheer luck. It was a perfect way to spend the middle of a week. I went into work early so that I could leave and watch all three games on television. To be quite honest, the first two games were merely time fillers until the Diamondbacks and Dodgers game came on at 7:10. Most of the Diamondbacks away games are broadcast on 3TV, a local station in Phoenix. This makes it easy for me to watch them when they are out of town. Fox Sports Arizona has most of the home games and some away. Since I do not get Fox Sports Arizona, I am left to listen to these games over the radio. Well today happened to be one of the days when the game is also on ESPN2. As game time approached, I readied all the things I would need so that I would not have to be disturbed while the Diamondbacks were on. I had chips, dip, a hot dog, a small cooler of pop, an Internet connection to check the other games, and my Diamondbacks hat. Only 2 minutes until the game started. I changed channels only to find the College World Series game was still being played. I could not believe that they would not preempt a college game for the beginning of the Diamondbacks. According to the Internet, the game has started and I am left looking at USC versus Florida State. Since the Diamondbacks did not draft players from either of these schools, I could care less about the outcome of this game. Granted, baseball is baseball but not when the Diamondbacks are on. Finally, Florida State scored so that the game was over. After what seemed like an eternity, the commercials ended and we were sent to Los Angeles. There was Luis Gonzalez standing on second base, "Hey how did he get there?" I shouted to no one in particular. Before I even finished that sentence, the screen went black and a message appeared in the center of the screen, "This program has been blacked out in your area." I jumped to my feet screaming as the game went black never to be seen again. How could Major League Baseball be so cruel. I spent the rest of the evening staring at this black screen listening to the game unfold on the radio still in disbelief of what had just happened.

I have always thought of myself as a relatively intelligent person. I graduated from college in two years and my IQ was within two points of being classified as genius. I have a near photographic memory (although I sometimes forget to load the film) and I have a knack of analyzing things to death. Even with all of that, I suffer from at least one annoying personality trait. (Notice I said at least one. Trina is keeping a list and the last time I saw it, it was a four volume set.) I detest the number thirteen. I know that there is no such thing as luck and destiny is something that should remain the domain of my new age psychic friends but I cannot help but dislike thirteen. Nothing good has ever come from this number in my life. It was March 13 when our daughter died, I broke bones and was injured missing most of the baseball season when I was 13. I even got my butt kicked in a fight once by a guy wearing size 13 shoes. Thirteen and I have come to an agreement over the years. I ignore it and it will ignore me. So far, this seems to have worked. If I play things real low key and just try to survive today, weird things won't happen to me. I have tried everything over the years, lucky rabbit's foot, four leaf clover, lucky charms (I especially like the new blue diamonds marshmallows) but nothing seems to counteract the effects of thirteen. At first I thought there would only be a problem when the thirteenth landed on a Friday but the only difference that makes is that I at least have a weekend to overcome its effects. When it lands on a Tuesday, I still have three more work days to deal with the aftermath. Now where did I put my lucky socks?

A single three game home stand is very comparable to a drug dealer giving you a taste of drugs before getting you hooked. Just when you start enjoying yourself, they yank it out from under you and you are left begging for more. This is where I am at right now. After a brief weekend series with the Anaheim Angels, I am left watching the Diamondbacks on television for a week. It wouldn't be so bad except these next two series will determine who will be leading the National League Western Division going into the All-Star break. With a four game series against the Los Angeles Dodgers and a three game series with the Colorado Rockies, the Diamondbacks could either open up a monster lead over the second and third place teams in their division or they could end up in third place before the next home stand. I find myself pacing the floor waiting for the game in Los Angeles to start. It is obvious that it is going to be a very long week while the Diamondbacks are out of town. Besides no games at BOB, I am forced to deal with a new and improved honey-do list that includes plumbing. There is nothing I detest more than dealing with pipes and leaking faucets. It seems every time I try to work on the plumbing, the results are the same. I end up doing the wave. In most cases, it is a tidal wave. You would think after replacing two floors, a cabinet, and numerous bathroom rugs that Trina would learn her lesson. Instead, she insists on including these items on my household list. Oh well, it will give me a chance to try out my new Diamondbacks beach towel.

For the most part I have found that Major League baseball players are very approachable and receptive to signing autographs and talking to the fans. Over the past three years, my kids have been able to obtain an autograph or talk to each of the Arizona Diamondbacks players including such reclusive types as Randy Johnson and Todd Stottlemyre. It is always fun to see the looks on the kids faces as they hold out their ball and a player will stop and sign or talk with them. I believe it is important that the players reach out and try to give something back to the fans who shell out their hard earned dollars to watch them play. Granted, signing for a few hundred or thousand screaming fans can be trying at times and I recognize that there are many fans out there that take advantage of the players by getting autographs and then selling them on the open market but most of the players take this in stride. Note that I said most. The one player who is an exception to this is Erubiel Durazo. He seems to go out of his way to alienate the fans. Today was a prime example of Mr. Durazo's behavior. Each Sunday, the Diamondbacks have "Bullpen Buddies", a program where 75 children 52 inches and smaller go into the bullpen during batting practice and meet two players and get their autograph. Today's participants were Dan Plesac and Erubiel Durazo. The children were all led into the bullpen where they waited for the players to arrive. Mr. Plesac was on time and spoke to each child as he signed their item. He was great. All of the children came away from meeting Dan with a smile on their faces excited to meet a baseball player. Erubiel Durazo on the other hand decided that it was more important to hang out at the batting cage rather than meet the kids. He never did show up at the bullpen. I could see this type of behavior if he were getting ready for an upcoming game but he is injured and cannot even swing a bat at this point. This is the fourth time I have seen such behavior from him. Last season as I was leaving the game, I saw Durazo leaving the players parking lot. At the gate, there were four children asking for his autograph. Durazo pulled out of the gate and stopped to wait for the kids to approach his car. As they arrived, he drove off. I understand that he may be tired after a game and want to go home but if he had no intention of signing, don't stop. He did more public relations damage by driving off than if he had never stopped at all. It is young players such as Durazo that will cause fans to avoid going to baseball games. I am disappointed that Erubiel has chosen to portray baseball players in such a dim light.

The Diamondbacks had a rare game on national television as the game of the week against the Anaheim Angels. As always, we arrived early for batting practice. We stood in the left field bleachers and spoke to several of the Diamondbacks players. At the plate, Kelly Stinnett was taking batting practice and hitting bombs to left field. While we were standing there, the public address announcer explained that Kelly would be signing autographs at a local Nissan dealership after the game. During the inaugural season, Kelly presented a baseball to my daughter Whitney as part of the "September to Remember" celebration. Since that time, Kelly has become her favorite player. I called Trina and we decided we would take the kids over to meet him in person. After the game, the family made their way to Mesa where we waited patiently for Kelly to arrive. As we were standing in line, I had a brilliant idea. If I could get Kelly to remove his hat, I could get a picture of him and save myself a lot of work on his Chia head. Since I have not had much luck with players removing their hat for me, I gave the camera to Trina. After all, who could deny a picture by a pretty lady with 4 kids in tow? At first, Kelly declined her suggestion that he take off his hat but after some pleading by Trina and Kelly's wife, he relented and removed his cap. Trina took a couple of pictures and even got his autograph. This will save me at least 3 hours of work in airbrushing his hat and hair off. What a sport, if only he could get Matt Williams to remove his hat I would be all set.

Usually I am a pretty upbeat guy that can find humor in nearly every situation. Regardless of how the day goes, there is always an underlying message that revolves somehow around baseball. Unfortunately, that was not the case today. After a long and turbulent flight across country and little sleep, I found myself in the shower trying to wake up. Within seconds of the water hitting me in the face, Tiffany came in screaming that Trina needed me outside immediately. I jumped out, threw on some clothes and rushed outside. There I saw Trina kneeling beside a 72 year old man giving him mouth to mouth recitation and CPR. Around him were two neighbors and a hysterical wife. The man had a heart attack and Trina was desperately trying to revive his lifeless body. During the commotion, his wife went into some type of seizure and fainted hitting her head on a boulder. As Trina worked on the husband, I attended to the wife. It seemed like an eternity before the paramedics arrived. They worked on each of the victims and rushed them both to the hospital. As the ambulances left, Trina and I were left standing there contemplating all that had occurred in the past 45 minutes. As I awoke this morning, I had planned on unpacking, working on the web site, and then going to the Diamondbacks game. It left me to contemplate whether any of this really mattered. Well, anything besides going to the Diamondbacks game that is.

During my trip to Orlando, I had packed two essential items, my Diamondbacks shirt (well one for each day to be exact) and my Diamondbacks hat. I wore these each day to remind me of home and what I had to look forward to when I returned. It was interesting to see the reaction I received from people with these items. A day did not go by that I did not have at least ten people stop and talk with me about baseball and the Arizona Diamondbacks. The questions ranged from them asking if I was somehow connected to the Diamondbacks organization (I answered that the team and I were attached at the wallet) to whether I was from Arizona. The Diamondbacks logo and baseball cap transcended cultural barriers, language differences, economic divergence, and personality discrepancies. I found I had a lot in common with these other baseball fans. Whether they were telling me of their home town team or a visit they made to a Major League baseball game, the stories had one central theme. Baseball is a vital part of our society and provides a way for us to share experiences and communicate with each other. It was interesting to listen to these people and share similar memories.

The differences between Disneyland and Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom can be subtle. For the most part, they are very similar consisting of themed lands, themed rides, and themed lines. Of the three ingredients, it would appear that the lines is the one constant. My observations are that everything at the Magic Kingdom are bigger and better than their counterparts at Disneyland. This is especially true with regards to the lines. Each attraction I attempted to ride, I stood with 2000 of my closest personal strangers and waited for what seemed like an eternity. Now I wouldn't have minded it so much if were were waiting for something important like the gates of Bank One Ballpark to open, but this was just for some sort of boat or roller-coaster ride. Of course I had to do all of the standard rides such as Splash Mountain, Space Mountain, Big Thunder Mountain, and others. I suddenly realized that many of these rides either had a baseball undertone or could be improved by adding a baseball theme to them. For example, Country Bear Jamboree was very similar to the sights you would find in the bleachers during any Cubs home game at Wrigley Field. The Jungle Cruise had as much humor as a John Rocker Sports Illustrated article. And who among us would not rather see the Hall of Baseball Commissioners rather than the Hall of Presidents. I for one would like to see an animatronic version of Bart Giamotti banning Pete Rose from baseball for life? Of course the one attraction that would be the most popular would be the renovated It's a Small World. Instead of that annoying song and dancing children, we would replace the song with Take Me Out to the Ballgame and each of the children would be dressed as either a Major League Baseball player or a Minor League Baseball player with those wacky logos such as the Lansing Lugnuts. The grand finale would be a death match of baseball mascots and a final slide of the boats into a mug of beer just like Bernie the Brewer. Now that would be the happiest place on earth.

As part of the Microsoft conference I am attending, Microsoft has decided to throw a party. What more appropriate place to send their customers than the Islands of Adventure theme park. It is almost frightening as I realize the correlation between this amusement park and my experience with Microsoft. As I entered the gates, I am assailed by Microsoft employees to sign documents removing their liability should anything happen. This exercise seemed quite similar to their registration wizard for Microsoft Office. We then were packed down a narrow walkway where Microsoft threw small trinkets at us to make our stay more enjoyable. In a sense, they do the same by sending out patches to fix their software bugs. We then arrived at the park itself and all it had to offer. Islands of Adventure is broken up into several themed areas that surround a man-made lagoon. To the left we strolled through Marvel comic land with rides being portrayed as action cartoons. Along the street were street performers dressed as super heroes or super villains. I could have sworn that Dr. Doom looked eerily similar to Bill Gates. From Marvel land we moved to Toon Island, a silly land that would equate to the experience customer's have when calling Microsoft Technical Support. You do a lot of running around and people laugh at you when you try to be serious. Our journey then moved to Jurassic Park, the land devoted to legacy software that Microsoft still supports. There is nothing more frightening than to come face to face with a Windows 3.1 user, unless of course you come across the fossils of a DOS user. We next entered into the Lost Continent, that area where Microsoft embraces open standards and is a good corporate citizen. Of course this area was filled with lawyers who were litigating that this land was not necessary because all the other lands were perfectly competitive and were benefiting humanity without government intervention. The final land of adventure I visited was the one that accurately described my dealings with Microsoft, Dr. Suess Land. Whether it was the Gates that Stole Christmas statue or the Ballmer in the Hat, I felt like I had lived this experience more times than I cared to. I can still remember those immortal words spoken by IT customers upon opening their software, "I do not like Exchange and Spam, I do not like them Bill I am." It is interesting how life imitates software.

I found it interesting, as I traveled east away from Arizona, I found less and less Arizona Diamondbacks merchandise. In a few of the more backwards areas, I even ran into a few people who were unaware that the Arizona Diamondbacks were a baseball team and not a type of reptile life form. Luckily, I had brought my Arizona Diamondbacks media guide and I took time from trip to enlighten them from the good book. Although I am not an ordained member of the clergy, many of these people proclaimed to be born again baseball fans. I didn't feel baptism was appropriate since I didn't want to get my Nikes wet but I did leave them with a handy Diamondbacks 2000 schedule and the phone number of their local DirecTV dealer so that they could order MLB Extra Innings and see all of the Diamondbacks games on satellite television. I began their conversion with a brief discussion on the history of baseball from its lowly beginnings in a grove of trees near Abner Doubleday's house to the multi-billion dollar business it is today. At each junction, I would test for understanding before going on to the next precept. Our discussions always ended with a brief narrative of how to calculate the "magic number" and ERA. Before I left, I had established quite a congregation of loyal followers. We all promised to stay in touch and send pictures and mail of our experiences when the Diamondbacks clinch the National League Western Division. The field was plentiful and the conversions high. They each promised to pray for the demise of the designated hitter and to help Bud Selig see the error of his ways with this talk of realignment.

I have always been fascinated by the production of movies and television. It is an industry that seems to be in constant change and is responsible for creating magical moments for the entertainment of the masses. Besides, they usually have enough technology to start their own third world country. Given this interest, I was obviously excited to see what was going on at the Disney MGM Studios. The park was evenly split between amusement rides and a working studio. We started at the Tower of Terror where the premise is you are entering the Twilight Zone through an old hotel. I was interested in seeing how realistic this would be and had envisioned my own theory of what the Twilight Zone would look like. I came away disillusioned. Their idea and mine were completely different. I had anticipated a world where pitchers dominated baseball and all of them hit over .300. The home run became nearly impossible to obtain and the majority of games ended in scores of 1-0 or 2-1. The Twilight Zone was further defined by the existence of a 145 pound Mark McGwire who hit for average blooping singles over the third baseman's head. None of these visions were in the ride. The one redeeming factor of this ride was that they dropped you faster than Jose Canseco's value in the National League. For those of you contemplating a trip to Disney MGM Studios, I would highly recommend the following: Aerosmith's Rock and Roller-coaster, Tower of Terror, 50's Prime Time Cafe, and the Sci-Fi Drive-in Diner. If you are there in the evening, be sure and see Fantasmic.

What trip to Orlando Florida would be complete without a visit to Walt Disney World? I had not been to Disney World in seven years so I was interested to see what had changed. The park had grown tremendously since I was last here. There were now four parks instead of just two. There was the Magic Kingdom, Animal Kingdom, Disney MGM Studios, and of course Epcot Center. Epcot has always been my favorite park. I don't know whether it is the World Showcase with exhibits from around the world or Future World with its technology and promise of tomorrow. It might just be the giant geodesic ball that looks like a baseball. Whatever the case, I always enjoy seeing what Disney has in store for its guests. When we arrived, we found that the International Flower and Garden show was going on. The plants and flowers were magnificent. The other thing that I found interesting was that there were no crowds. It was a Saturday and yet we walked to the front of every line. We waited for a maximum of 5 minutes to ride every ride. This is unheard of at a Disney park and I kept thinking perhaps I had died and this was some sort of amusement park heaven. The one thing I enjoyed most was not a ride nor an attraction. Disney has begun the practice of pin trading within their properties. For those of you unfamiliar with this, let me explain. There are pin carts located around the property where you can purchase pins displaying Disney characters, movies, rides, or events. You buy these pins and wear them around. You then find others who are wearing pins and barter between collectors trading for one you like better. I started trading pins when I was on all-star teams in Little League. We would trade pins with other players from other parts of the country. Over the years my collection has grown to over 1,500 pins several are 20-30 years old. This visit my collection grew by another 200. I'm sure Trina will kill me when I get home.

The Diamondbacks leave for a six game road trip including their first Interleague game against the Texas Rangers. With the Diamondbacks out of town, I have a break from games. The timing worked out beautifully allowing me to attend a Microsoft conference in Orlando Florida all of next week. So instead of sleeping in and going to the office, I was up early and headed for the airport to catch a plane to Florida. I had not had a change to look at my tickets so I wasn't sure what to expect. All I knew for sure was that the plane left before 7:00 AM and I arrived sometime after 6:00 PM. When I got to the ticket counter, I was informed that I would be flying to Dallas from Phoenix and I would have a layover there and change planes. My mind quickly did some calculations and an idea was formed. If I could somehow get the layover in Dallas to be around 5:00 PM and last about 3 hours, I could catch a cab to Arlington and see the Diamondbacks play the Texas Rangers. Trying to hide my excitement, I asked how long I would be "stuck" in Dallas. The ticket agent explained it would be only for an hour at about noon. I tried desperately to change my flights so that I could make the game but the connections just wouldn't match up. I decided to try for the next best thing. I asked if the flight had a movie or television. I was told it did not. I was down to my last resort. Did the flight at least have music? Yes, it did have that. Could the plane pick up ESPN or a local station that carried the baseball game? At this point the exasperated agent told me no and moved my seat. Now instead of an aisle seat, I was stuck in the middle between two Sumo wrestlers who each had a garlic salami sandwich. Perhaps I pressed my luck with the questions just a tad.

Have you ever sat and watched as a mime practices his craft with the timeless walking against the wind bit? Every muscle in his body is being used to walk against this invisible force that is stopping him from progressing. I have now experienced the equivalent in baseball. Tonight for the getaway game for the Diamondbacks and the Cardinals, the managers chose to pitch Armando Reynoso versus Andy Benes. These two have got to be the most deliberate pitchers in the game today. There are both pros and cons to this match-up. The good news is that you rarely miss any of the action if you decide to go and get a hot dog or a drink. In fact, I left my seat, went up two decks, stopped at the team shop, and said hello to Stan Oliver and only missed two pitches. On the other hand, these two pitchers show why Major League Baseball charters airplanes. There is no way anyone is going to catch a flight out of town with these two on the mound. Seeing the match-up, I knew that I would not be taking either Whitney or Dakota to this game since it would be well past their bedtimes before we would get home. By the fifth inning, I was beginning to wonder whether I would be getting away soon enough to catch my plane to Orlando and my flight did not leave until 5:45 AM Friday morning. I have never prayed for starting pitchers to be taken out of the game in my life but today that all changed. I wonder how feasible a pitch clock would be? It has done wonders to speed up basketball, maybe Selig should be spending time on important things like this rather than this realignment insanity.