June 7, 2000
The differences between Disneyland and Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom can be subtle. For the most part, they are very similar consisting of themed lands, themed rides, and themed lines. Of the three ingredients, it would appear that the lines is the one constant. My observations are that everything at the Magic Kingdom are bigger and better than their counterparts at Disneyland. This is especially true with regards to the lines. Each attraction I attempted to ride, I stood with 2000 of my closest personal strangers and waited for what seemed like an eternity. Now I wouldn’t have minded it so much if were were waiting for something important like the gates of Bank One Ballpark to open, but this was just for some sort of boat or roller-coaster ride. Of course I had to do all of the standard rides such as Splash Mountain, Space Mountain, Big Thunder Mountain, and others. I suddenly realized that many of these rides either had a baseball undertone or could be improved by adding a baseball theme to them. For example, Country Bear Jamboree was very similar to the sights you would find in the bleachers during any Cubs home game at Wrigley Field. The Jungle Cruise had as much humor as a John Rocker Sports Illustrated article. And who among us would not rather see the Hall of Baseball Commissioners rather than the Hall of Presidents. I for one would like to see an animatronic version of Bart Giamotti banning Pete Rose from baseball for life? Of course the one attraction that would be the most popular would be the renovated It’s a Small World. Instead of that annoying song and dancing children, we would replace the song with Take Me Out to the Ballgame and each of the children would be dressed as either a Major League Baseball player or a Minor League Baseball player with those wacky logos such as the Lansing Lugnuts. The grand finale would be a death match of baseball mascots and a final slide of the boats into a mug of beer just like Bernie the Brewer. Now that would be the happiest place on earth.