June 21, 2000
Tonight was the final game of the series with the San Diego Padres and as it turns out, it is the final game of the season between the Arizona Diamondbacks and the San Diego Padres. This point really irritates me. Can someone please explain to me how it is possible for the Diamondbacks to be finished for the season with the Padres and it is not even all-star break? Where in the world did we get this schedule? In my wildest dreams, I cannot imagine who is working on this schedule and what form of narcotics they must be on. Other than substance abuse, how else can you explain that a team will not be facing a divisional opponent after June 21? Now I am usually a level headed individual who thinks rationally but this schedule has me believing in a conspiracy theory that Bud Selig is behind this madness. I am beginning to believe that this is a ploy to make the fans so enraged at how the schedule is laid out that we will gladly accept realignment to eliminate this schedule from happening again. Of course realignment would include moving Arizona to the American League which would do nothing from a scheduling standpoint. I have another suggestion rather than realignment. Maybe we should use a computer to determine the schedule rather than placing 30 bananas in a room full of monkeys and wait for them to recommend match-ups. Think of the possibilities, if there is a problem with the schedule, we blame it on Y2K. If teams don’t meet after June 21, we blame a faulty memory chip. If Bud Selig is mysteriously removed from office and replaced with a human equivalent, we claim the computer was hit with a virus. This plan is fool proof (or is that Bud proof?) and should be recommended immediately.