Long Distance Diamondbacks

I found it interesting, as I traveled east away from Arizona, I found less and less Arizona Diamondbacks merchandise. In a few of the more backwards areas, I even ran into a few people who were unaware that the Arizona Diamondbacks were a baseball team and not a type of reptile life form. Luckily, I had brought my Arizona Diamondbacks media guide and I took time from trip to enlighten them from the good book. Although I am not an ordained member of the clergy, many of these people proclaimed to be born again baseball fans. I didn’t feel baptism was appropriate since I didn’t want to get my Nikes wet but I did leave them with a handy Diamondbacks 2000 schedule and the phone number of their local DirecTV dealer so that they could order MLB Extra Innings and see all of the Diamondbacks games on satellite television. I began their conversion with a brief discussion on the history of baseball from its lowly beginnings in a grove of trees near Abner Doubleday’s house to the multi-billion dollar business it is today. At each junction, I would test for understanding before going on to the next precept. Our discussions always ended with a brief narrative of how to calculate the “magic number” and ERA. Before I left, I had established quite a congregation of loyal followers. We all promised to stay in touch and send pictures and mail of our experiences when the Diamondbacks clinch the National League Western Division. The field was plentiful and the conversions high. They each promised to pray for the demise of the designated hitter and to help Bud Selig see the error of his ways with this talk of realignment.


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