My Application

Dear Mr. Brenly,

As a loyal fan of the Arizona Diamondbacks, let me congratulate you on being named the second manager in franchise history. Having been a Diamondbacks broadcaster for the past three years, I am sure you understand as well as anyone how fickle the fans can be when a team begins to play less than up to their potential. I’m sure you are also well aware of the importance of surrounding yourself with the right people so that you may be successful in your job as manager. I am therefore going to suggest a rather revolutionary approach when it comes to selecting your coaches. Why not select a fan to be your bench coach? This will give you the unique perspective of knowing what the fans are thinking at a moment’s notice. For years now, we have heard that baseball is a business and to justify the high salaries given to players we have been told that baseball is in the entertainment business. Well, if that is really the case, I would believe that the Diamondbacks would welcome the knowledge a fan could give them from the bench. Think of it, you would have immediate access to the all important data and feedback that only a fan could give.

Having been to every game for the past three years, I have watched close hand what it takes to be a bench coach. I would therefore like to apply for this position on your staff. I don’t expect you to just hand me this job, I feel I am well qualified for the position. First off, I am loyal. I have dedicated a tremendous amount of time to the Diamondbacks over the past 3 years and plan to spend as much time as possible at Bank One Ballpark. This includes spending 3 hours on December 27, 2000 in the stands suffering through a women’s basketball game just so that I can see how the turf is doing. I think you will find my work ethic beyond question when it comes to the Diamondbacks. Second, I keep score for each game. I therefore already have my own scorebook and line-up card. This can work to your benefit as it will allow the Diamondbacks to save money since I will bring my own office supplies. Given the Diamondbacks are strapped for cash, this should help the financial burden the team faces. Also, since I am already keeping score, I have the line-ups. I would be more than happy to run them out to home plate before each game thereby reducing your workload to ponder other things like how to eliminate Baxter (I know you are not a fan of mascots in baseball). Third, I have been playing organized baseball for the past 35 years at various levels. This knowledge will be helpful in a couple of areas. First, I know how to put on a uniform thereby reducing the training costs associated with hiring a new employee. I can therefore “hit the ground running” and dedicate more of my time to other duties. Second, I also have all of the Diamondbacks jerseys with the exception of the sleeveless jersey. They all have my name on them so I could bring my own uniforms again saving the franchise some money. Finally, I am good with people. I have spent the past three years at Diamondbacks games and have spent my share of time evaluating the talent on the field and expressing my opinions to my fellow fans. This has given me the insight necessary to second-guess many of the calls managers make. I could therefore be invaluable to you as I sit on the bench and make suggestions of how the fans will react before a decision is made.

I think you can see that I am a very qualified candidate for bench coach. We both know that the bench coach is only required to manage the team if the manager is thrown out of the game. During the press conference introducing you as the manager, Jerry Colangelo stressed your easy-going attitude as a major reason for you getting this job. Given that personality trait, it is doubtful that I would be called upon to manage a game. This gives you the unique opportunity to make an unorthodox hiring decision to provide a different perspective from within the dugout. I hope you will consider my qualifications. I feel I am a good fit for your organization. I look forward to hearing from you soon on this subject.

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