Just a guy from Section 132 Row 9 Seat 9
“Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! You don’t want to miss the carnage and destruction as the Grave Digger faces off against Goldberg in the match of the century! See the beasts of the midway do battle in the Monster Truck Rally!”
In the seven years I have lived in Arizona, I have learned one thing about the weather in January, if you don’t like it, wait 5 seconds and it will change. Well, that has been the case today. I awoke this morning to the wind pelting my bedroom window with rain. It is really hard to get out of bed knowing you are going to have to face that kind of weather. Now before I hear from anyone in Seattle who tells me I don’t know what rain is, let me explain that rain in Arizona is unlike anywhere else. When we were deciding on whether to move here, I did some research to see what the weather was like. Everywhere I looked I was told that the Phoenix area received around 10 inches of rain a year. Well, 10 inches, that’s not to bad. I can live with that. What they don’t tell you is that 10 inches of rain occurs in a single storm. I have never seen rain fall like this in my life. Within an hour, what was once a park where children were playing soccer is transformed into a pool where children are playing water polo. I do not believe that Noah saw rain this bad in his 40 day cruise.
Continue reading ‘January Showers Bring February Baseball’ »
I have been waiting for 71 days to hear word on Arizona Diamondbacks season ticket relocation. Each day I have followed the mail carrier around the neighborhood to see if there was an envelope for me from the Diamondbacks. I have avoided the phone like it has the plague fearful that every time it rings the Diamondbacks will be on the other end telling me I will be sitting in the same seats for the 2001 season. I have hesitated calling the ticket office for fear that they would say “Oh, Mr. Summers, we have been trying to get a hold of you to tell you we have moved you to the top of the upper deck.” At first I had heard that the relocation process would be finished by the week of Christmas. Then I heard that the Diamondbacks were modifying their ticketing process and it would take until the first week of January. Well, now we are in the second week and I have still not heard anything. I keep thinking though, I should have heard something by now.
The Arizona Diamondbacks today announced that they had invited 11 non-roster players to spring training. After hearing that news, I immediately headed for the mail box. Surely they would not have forgotten to invite me! As I reached the mail, my ever fearful mail carrier again explained that I did not receive anything from the Diamondbacks. She is indeed nervous whenever I am around but that is another story for another day. Dejected, I made my way back to the house still wondering why I had not received an invitation. After all, I have not missed a Diamondbacks game at Bank One Ballpark, how could they have missed me? Oh sure, I am nearly 40 years old and I have had 3 shoulder surgeries to fix problems which have stemmed from pitching for 31 years but Mike Morgan is older than I am and Russ Springer sometimes pitches like he has had that number of surgeries. All I am asking is for an invitation. I mean even Garth Brooks got invited, how’s that for getting no respect. Looks like I am going to have to send another letter to Bob Brenly. Looks like the guy just isn’t listening yet.
Today marks the beginning of the most bizarre season in baseball, salary arbitration. I would venture to say that salary arbitration is probably the most misunderstood aspect of the game. I hesitate to even say that since arbitration is really not part of the game. It is one of those pieces of a labor agreement that is probably decided upon at the last minute before ratification that no one seems to think through before it was implemented. I wondered though, is it possible that salary arbitration might work in other aspects of life? I decided that the only way to decide this was to put it to the test.
It is now the second week of January and I still hesitate to answer the phone at home or at work. It is not that I am afraid of the phone, it is that I am afraid of who might be on the other end of the phone. It has been nearly 6 weeks since I have sent in my Arizona Diamondbacks seat relocation forms. At first I was told that the process would be completed by the week of Christmas. Then that date was revised to the first of January. I was told that if they could not relocate my seats, I would receive a phone call. If my seat relocation request was successful, I would be notified by mail. Each day since that time, whenever the phone would ring, I would hold my breath and cringe before picking up the receiver. When I found that it was not the Diamondbacks ticket office on the other end of the phone, I was relieved. Why even last week, I was grateful to hear from the dentist office reminding me that it was time to come in for a cleaning. That was the first time I can remember when I was actually relieved to hear I needed my teeth worked on.
There are few things a man becomes more attached to than his remote control. At first, these little devices were a luxury best afforded by those with the money and girth of King Henry VIII. After all, we prided ourselves on being able to operate any kind of electrical device. Soon though, more and more of us found that we were no longer required to watch a television show through to the end. Instead, we could change channels during a commercial and see what else was on. Television manufacturers began to offer other features on the remote control beyond the basic functions of channel and volume. Soon, I found myself changing the sound field on a program. Of course with all of this new technology, there also came some social responsibility that most men learned the hard way. For example, it is NOT recommended to switch channels whenever something your wife wants to watch comes on. It is also not suggested to change the sound field of the stereo receiver so that whenever your wife watches “Touched by an Angel” sounds like it was cast with a team of psycho robots.
In most cases, I can usually find something to do about the time that Trina is in need of a helping hand with house work. It is a knack I developed early in our marriage and have honed through the years. No before you get bent out of shape that I don’t do my part around the house, you should know that this arrangement is in the best interest of our household.
“Sir, we have all the information we need to draw up our battle plans.” With this statement, my daily routine was interrupted in what would be the most important activity I would do to date this millennium. Granted, the millennium was only 5 days old but still, this was pretty important work. I cleared off my desk with one sweep of my hand. Oh sure, the cleaning lady would complain tonight when she attempted to get into my office but was met with a knee-high pile of unfinished work strewn across the floor. That was not my concern at this point in time. I had more important information I had to deal with.
