You Owe Me!

Before each Diamondbacks home game, they announce that there are several promotions going on during the season. Whenever an Arizona Diamondback player hits a grand slam during a game, everyone in attendance receives a coupon for a Grand Slam breakfast at Denny’s. If the Arizona Diamondbacks pitching staff records ten or more strikeouts during the game everyone in attendance will receive a coupon for a free Thirst Buster 44 ounce drink from Circle K. And if the Diamondbacks score eight or more runs during the game, everyone in attendance will receive a coupon for a free Chalupa at Taco Bell. So even for those fans that don’t care much for baseball, they have a vested interest in how the team plays. There are scoreboards throughout the stadium keeping track of the runs and above the right field bleachers is the Circle K Strikeout Meter that shows number of strikeouts in the current game along with a season total. Before every game, my kids make their predictions of whether the Diamondbacks will win or lose and if it will be a Thirst Buster or Chalupa night.

For Sunday’s game Dakota predicted that the Diamondbacks would win by the score of 8-6 and we would receive a Chalupa. I was hoping just for the win but I’d take the free Baja Chicken Chalupa as a parting gift.

The game didn’t start out well. Juan Cruz continued to struggle as a starter and averaged over 20 pitches per inning through the first 3 innings. The Rockies jumped out to an early lead and it didn’t look good for the home team. We were on pace for a Thirst Buster but that would have a hollow taste if we got that while losing the game. But then we got to the magical fourth inning where the planets all aligned and Byung Hyun Kim showed us why we traded him in the first place. The Diamondbacks marched 11 men to the plate and scored six runs putting us at Chalupa Eve (the term I have given to being one away from getting a Chalupa or in other words the Diamondbacks scored seven runs). We only needed one more run for a free Chalupa. To top that off, the Diamondbacks bullpen was continuing the pace set by Cruz so that we would also receive a Thirst Buster. Wow, free food and free drinks plus a win. It couldn’t get much better than that. Oh wait, watching the scoreboard it looked as though the San Diego Padres were beating the San Francisco Giants which meant that the Diamondbacks would also be in first place. And if that wasn’t enough, it also looked like another win so I wouldn’t have to shave. This was turning into the perfect day. Perfect that is until the bottom of the eighth inning.

The eighth started out well enough for the Diamondbacks when Jeff DaVanon singled to center field. After Connor Jackson flied out to right, we still had only one out and the heart of the line-up ahead of us. This is where it fell apart. DaVanon who is not the fastest guy on the field nor is he the most adept base runner that the Diamondbacks have on the team took it upon himself to try and steal second base with Luis Gonzalez up to bat. This was a bad idea to begin with but it didn’t stop there. DaVanon decided he needed a little help getting a jump since he isn’t fast so he watched Rockies pitcher Tom Martin (former Diamondback who never played a game in an Arizona uniform). DaVanon decided that if Martin gripped the ball in a certain way it meant he was going to throw home. I’ve never heard of a base runner assessing a guy’s move from the grip he puts on the ball but according to DaVanon that works. Well maybe works is not the right word since DaVanon broke for second as the ball came to first. He was only out by about 40 feet so I guess you could say it was a close play. The Diamondbacks now had no one on base when Luis Gonzalez hit a triple to center. That base running error cost 29,310 people a Chalupa.

In the ninth inning the Diamondbacks had a two run lead with their closer Jorge Julio on the mound. According to the Circle K Strikeout Meter the Diamondbacks pitchers had recorded nine strikeouts putting us at Thirst Buster Eve (another term I have invented that perfectly describes being one away from a free 44 ounce drink). If this home stand has any historical basis then it should play out that Julio will walk the first batter, strike out the second batter, walk the third batter to put the tying run on, then strike out the fourth batter and getting the fifth batter to hit a fly-ball for an out to end the game. If that plays out we have a win, a Thirst Buster, first place in the National League West, and a bitter memory of Jeff DaVanon as a base runner. Instead, Jamey Carroll of the Rockies singles to second base when Julio can’t find the bag to cover. He then walks Jorge Piedra to put the tying run on base. A sacrifice bunt moves the runners up 90 feet then Clint Barmes hits a single scoring a run. Garrett Atkins doubles to right scoring two. At this point Julio leaves the game replaced by Brandon Medders. Medders gets Matt Holliday to ground to short before giving up a single to Todd Helton allowing the Rockies to score their fourth run of the inning. The final out in the top of the ninth is a line drive to Orlando Hudson.

In the course of an inning we missed out on a Chalupa, a Thirst Buster, a win, first place in the National League West, and I would have to listen to Trina explain to me that it was my fault that the Diamondbacks lost because I didn’t shave before going to church. This is totally messed up. I think to make things right everyone with a game ticket should go to Taco Bell and get a Chalupa and have them send the bill to Jeff DaVanon. Then they should go to Circle K and get a Thirst Buster and send the bill to Jorge Julio. Finally, Gillette should have a give away at the August 4 Diamondbacks game where they give each male over the age of 16 a free Fusion razor. I don’t expect anyone to have to deal with my wife; I’ll take that one on by myself. Maybe that way we can forget this whole mess even happened and we can move on with our lives.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *