Ding Dong Avon Calling

In what can only be termed as another sign that the apocalypse is upon us, a story comes out of the Associated Press that New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter is teaming up with Avon to produce a new men’s fragrance that will be sold door-to-door by Avon representatives to their 15 million customers. I’ve long maintained that Derek Jeter is one of the most over-rated players ever to play the game. He’s consistently a step slower than he should be and most of his highlight reel plays are a result of him being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Most other shortstops would make these plays look routine but Jeter has the uncanny ability to make the mundane seem incredible just because he misplays his position. So for Avon to use him as a spokesman and set him up as a designer of men’s cologne is just frightening. While there are many Yankee fans throughout the nation, there are even more fans who would classify themselves as haters of the evil empire and they would rank Derek Jeter as the Darth Vader of the Yankees (without the cool sounding voice).

On many occasions I have pondered whether Derek Jeter may actually be the child of the devil. No other explanation is possible. How else could one mediocre player (after all, he is the second best shortstop even on his own team) lead so many people astray to root for everything that is wrong with baseball? Lou Gehrig and Babe Ruth must just be rolling over in their graves thinking about someone like Jeter not only being on the Yankee roster let along designing custom aftershave for men. I took an unofficial poll of people I knew and not one man or woman wanted to wear any kind of perfume that made you smell like the devil. I was kind of curious, what does a Jeter smell like? According to the press release, it “is a blend of chilled grapefruit, clean oak moss and spice”. So from this it would appear that shortstops smell like fruity old spice. I can’t speak for everyone but I am not sure I really want to smell like old fruit. I guess it could be worse; the scent could have been the smell of Jeter’s breath after a night spent out on the town in New York. I guess it is a good idea that Derek asked his mom if it smelled good. I’m not sure that’s a ringing endorsement though. Wear Derek Jeter cologne and attract women old enough to be your mother. Or worse, wear this stuff and you’ll attract your mother. I can see this marketing campaign starting off badly and just getting worse by the minute.

“Driven” by Derek Jeter will be available later this fall, I am guessing that will be right after the Yankees are eliminated from the post season. I am curious what this is going to do to Avon sales especially in the New England states. Can you even imagine what is going to happen when an innocent lady approaches a house on Commonwealth near Fenway Park and suggests to the occupant that they try a perfume developed by a New York Yankee? That would be like suggesting George W. Bush wear those new flip flops designed by Al Gore (he has lots of time on his hands since he is done developing the Internet). It looks like this Christmas I am going to need to make 2 gift lists. One for the things I would love to get and the other list will be those gifts that I would need to kill myself if they show up under my tree. Jeter Juice will definitely be at the top of the second list.


  1. BJ Blinston

    One positive note, maybe the fragrance will be so popular in NY that the city will actually smell like “fruity old spice”. I don’t know if Jeter is Darth Vader, I was thinking more of Admiral Piett (do they look alike?). Maybe the Mets fans can get into the fragrance as well so that the whole Metropolitan area smells 100% better (or is that worse) than it currently does.

  2. AZJazzyJ

    Here’s something interesting, Avon announced this on Monday July 31. At the time their stock was trading at a little over $32 a share. Since that time their stock has dropped and closed today at $27.06 which was a rebound from the low of $26.16 this afternoon. It appears even Wall Street is not a big Jeter fan.

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