Knit One, Turn Two

Sometimes when you look at the schedule you kind of scratch your head and wonder whether you have crossed over into some kind of alternative universe. Tonight was just that kind of time. It wasn’t like I didn’t know this was coming either. About a week ago I noticed a blip on the Bizzaro meter. When I was looking at the promotional schedule I noticed something that stated “Stitch and Pitch”. I assumed that was some kind of orthopedic surgeon appreciation day were we would have doctors attend the game and the players would show their scars of where they had Tommy John or rotator cuff surgery. Boy, was I ever wrong on that assessment. It was much worse than that.

It seems that this week is national stitchery week or something like that. The Diamondbacks had partnered with Needlepoint vendors to offer a promotion where you could learn how to knit or crochet at the ballpark. What was that again? I definitely had to re-read that description again. The Diamondbacks had partnered with Needlepoint vendors to offer a promotion where you could learn how to knit or crochet. I don’t know about you but I don’t recall ever seeing anyone in any stadium either major league or minor league who knitted while at the game. I made the mistake of reading that promotion description out loud just to see if may reading silently had caused me to misunderstand. Trina heard the words knit, crochet and needlepoint and went crazy. I’ve never seen her this excited for a ballgame in my life. She began calling her girlfriends telling them about the promotion and making plans to attend the game. If this promotion had that kind of effect on my wife it may be having a similar effect on others. The thoughts of going to the game and being surrounded by 48,500 women just like my wife was enough to make me faint.

When we got to the game, the Diamondbacks were handing out pink tote bags to the first 10,000 women through the turnstile. I was never so grateful to be excluded from a promotional item in my life. I am not sure I am confident enough in my masculinity to carry around a pink bag full of yarn. Trina was in heaven going to the upper deck meeting other women and learning the latest in knitting stitches. All I wanted to do was to get to my seats where I could watch the game and not think about dropping a stitch or whether I could match color dye lots for the latest color of yarn.

The game was awesome as Brandon Webb completely dominated the Cardinals allowing only 1 hit while pitching a complete game winning 3-0. All of his pitches seemed to be working and at most he threw only 15 pitches. I couldn’t imagine him being much better than this. The game ended in just 1:54 making it the shortest game in Diamondbacks history at Chase Field. I believe this is a direct result in the fact that Brandon Webb didn’t want to spend any more time than he had to with 33,000 women wielding knitting needles and crochet hooks. As if this game was not already on estrogen overload, there was a free concert after the game ended. SHeDaisy was brought out on the field to perform. Until tonight I had never heard of SHeDaisy. In fact, I still couldn’t explain how to tell the difference between a SHeDaisy and a HeDaisy. I guess you look under their pedals but I’m not sure. I stayed and listened to two songs but that was the limit to my patience. On the way out of the stadium I stopped by guest relations and suggested that they might want to have that new sound system checked out. I know whenever country music starts playing on my car radio I take it to the dealer and have it fixed.

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