October 24, 2006
In yet another sign that the apocalypse is upon us, Major League Baseball is announcing that a new labor agreement has completed and will now go to players and owners for ratification. This marks the first time in the history of baseball that the two sides have completed a labor agreement before the current agreement expires. When I first heard the breaking news that a deal had been reached, I immediately ran out of my office and into the streets. I was afraid that at any point now the ground would begin to shake and buildings would begin tumbling to the ground. I looked up at the sky fully expecting to see the moon turn blood red and the stars fall from the heavens. This kind of news is typically reported in the Bible under miracles right before a discussion on the end of the world. I would expect that this news will be a boon to all television evangelists who can use this to call people to repentance and ask for donations to ensure that you are saved when the earth is destroyed.