Big Red Envelope

Each day it is the same routine. A little white minivan comes into our subdivision and parks down the street in front of a metal box. A sweet little old lady gets out of the car carrying a tub of envelopes and she proceeds to move the envelopes from the tub to the metal box. Approximately half way through her daily exercise I will begin walking from my house down to the metal box. When I get half way she begins to frantically move envelopes from the tub to the slots. She almost gets finished when I arrive and ask her the same question, “Did I get anything from the Arizona Diamondbacks?” Everyday I hear the same answer, “I’m sorry Mr. Summers but still nothing from the team. I’m sure that it is coming; you just need to be patient. With that I retrieve what other items may be in our mail slot and trudge home dejected again. Today was different. Today when I began walking she saw me and didn’t rush to try and beat me thereby eliminating the need to give me the bad news. Today she started approaching me and in her hand was a gift from the baseball gods.


I rushed over to see what she was holding. As I gazed at the envelope she said, “Mr. Summers, I think this is the envelope you have been waiting for.” Sure enough, the new Arizona Diamondbacks logo and return address almost danced across the paper. The back flap was done in Sedona Red with the new look “D” centered on it. It was indeed what I had been waiting for. If I didn’t think that both the mailman and my wife would have freaked out I probably would have kissed the mailman. I now know exactly how the kids in Willie Wonka felt when they got the golden ticket. I just hope I don’t end up like Veruca Salt. I can at least be assured that I won’t become Violet Beauregarde since the Diamondbacks have eliminated all purple and violet. I danced all the way home which led to several neighbors to come out of their house and stare at me. Curious they looked from where I came and the mailman announced, “He got a letter from the Arizona Diamondbacks.” The neighbors all nodded in understanding and went back about their business. I ran into the house and announced to the family, “It’s Here!” Oddly enough, I was the only one who seemed to grasp the importance of this event. I tried to get everyone to huddle around as we opened the envelope but they didn’t seem to share my enthusiasm. I told them we stood a better chance of finding something cool inside than Geraldo Rivera did when he opened Al Capone’s vault but they just ignored me. So in the quiet solitude of my living room I slowly opened the envelope and removed the contents. I was greeted by a Sedona Red folder emblazoned with the Diamondbacks logo and the words, “2007 Season Ticket Renewal Information”. That has to be the sweetest sounding title ever to be written on a folder. I opened the folder and began to be immersed in the prose written on the page. It was as if it were written by angels. It started with a note from new Diamondbacks president Derrick Hall and continued through the description of the various packages and benefits assigned to the office of Season Ticket Holder. This package will keep me going for weeks as I dissect every line to make sure I get the full meaning. Much to my disappointment, this package is a lot like a prop from Mission Impossible. I was just waiting for a recording of Derrick Hall’s voice to utter, “This message will self destruct on November 29”. November 29, that is only 2 weeks away. I am not sure I have enough time to decide where I want to sit next season. It looks like I’ll be staying up late and getting up early for the rest of this month just so I can meet this deadline to begin Season Ticket renewal and relocation.


1 Comment

  1. Seat Relocation D-Day

    It was just two short weeks ago that I received “the envelope” from the Arizona Diamondbacks. Of course I am talking about the Season Ticket Renewal package. Since that time I have been consumed with thoughts of the 2007 season…

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