Global Warming and Frozen Tundra

As if this week weren’t already bad enough, I realized that I had to go to Minneapolis Minnesota for three days of meetings. I am not sure who the comedian is that thought it would be funny to send a guy from Arizona to Minnesota in January but I guarantee there will be payback. I’m already planning a follow-up meeting where people from Minnesota will travel to Phoenix in August. After a quick check of the Weather Channel I found that the high temperatures in Minneapolis would be hovering around 8 degrees but with wind chill it would feel like -12 degrees. To try and get a sense of comparison, I placed a thermometer in my refrigerator freezer and found that it was hovering at about 29 nine degrees. I also found a half eaten Dairy Queen Dilly Bar that I believe carbon dates to the Reagan administration but I left that in the freezer just in case I get hungry sometime later. Negative numbers are never a good sign. They are bad when I am doing the checkbook after a trip to the scrapbook store and they are even worse when put in the context of temperature. I will gladly admit that I am prejudiced against cold. After 4 shoulder surgeries, three knee surgeries, an ankle, a wrist, and a reconstructive finger surgery; I don’t deal well with cold. My entire body aches and about the only way I survive is by “better living through chemistry”. I needed to do some quick planning if I was going to deal with this trip.

From the dark recesses of my closet I retrieved my winter coat. First thing to check was to make sure it still fit which it did. As I was rummaging through the pockets I found brochures and pins from a trip to the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City. (I wondered where that stuff was.) I then went to the attic to retrieve the remainder of my cold weather gear and made a checklist. Diamondbacks turtleneck – check, Diamondbacks stocking cap – check, Diamondbacks sweatshirt – check, Diamondbacks denim shirt – check, Diamondbacks gloves – check; it looked like so far so good. The problem was, all of this winter gear was traditional purple and turquoise. A quick trip to the Diamondbacks on-line store validated my greatest fears; there was no Sedona Red cold weather gear available. I can’t believe I am making a trip to the frozen tundra of Minnesota without any Sedona Red. That just could not happen. I threw in my Sedona Red ball cap to wear over the top of my black stocking cap with the purple and turquoise “A” logo. I figured as soon as I got to Minnesota I would find a sporting goods store and they would have to have Diamondbacks gear for this type of weather.

Upon landing at the Hubert Humphrey airport I began my quest for warm Diamondbacks gear and hot chocolate. The hot chocolate was easy to come by though it didn’t stay hot for very long. The Diamondbacks gear on the other hand was more rare than a pitcher who could hit .300. No matter where I looked there was no Sedona Red. Strangely enough a lot of the stores were not even aware that the Diamondbacks had changed logos or colors. What kind of hick town is this? Do they not check daily for news about the team? All I heard was Twins this and Twins that but nothing about the Diamondbacks. I am beginning to think that my quest to stay warm in Sedona Red will be an impossible task. I have decided that all those scientists who think we have a global warming problem should hold their international conference in Minneapolis Minnesota in January. Just getting from the airport to a waiting taxi should make them rethink this whole planet getting warmer nonsense. By the time I made it to the hotel, the only things I had that were Sedona Red were my nose, cheeks and ears.

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