Keeping Up with the Bonds

Previously I had written how much me and Barry Bonds had in common. We are both baseball fans, we both own a baseball jersey, and we both are under doctor’s care. This week though I feel like I need to put some clarification on exactly where these similarities end. Earlier in the week Fox Sports reported that Barry Bonds had failed a test for amphetamines last season. It seems that Barry was feeling a little down and needed a quick boost of energy to face the hoards of adoring fans. According to Barry he went to teammate Mark Sweeney’s locker and found some magic pills that gave him the energy to get through the day. Wow, you just have to love the fact that Barry threw his teammate to the wolves there don’t you? Here’s a guy that demands the highest level of loyalty of his entourage yet the moment he finds out that he failed a drug test, he immediately pointed the blame to someone else. What is worse is that Mark Sweeney didn’t have anything in his locker yet now sees his name associated with a failed drug test.

After reading that, I had to throw in the white flag. There is just no way I can keep up with the Bonds. I tried understanding the long grind of a baseball season. I attempted to be empathetic at the plight of being a megastar where everyone is out to get you. I even thought I would give him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he really didn’t know he was taking steroids. I mean I believed Michael Jackson when he said that his rare skin condition required him to have complete reconstructive cosmetic surgery so that his face was a spitting image of the mannequin at the local Nordstrom store so why shouldn’t I believe Barry? But I just could not bring myself to throw a teammate under the bus like that. After all, I felt guilty that time I passed wind and blamed the dog; there was no way I would be able to implicate a friend and co-worker in illegal activity. That’s just messed up. To his credit, Barry did issue a statement later in the week saying it wasn’t Mark Sweeney’s fault. This is just yet another of a long line of misunderstandings. Poor Barry, how can this keep happening to him? First his trainer gives him stuff that is supposed to make him better. He trusts the guy and just takes the pills or injections or rubs the stuff on his aching body and where does it get him? Then he is feeling kind of down and so there was a pill laying around and like I am sure any of us would do, we take the pill off the floor or in the locker or on the table and we put it in our mouths. I mean we all do that right? I can’t tell you how many times I have just thrown some prescriptions medications in a big bowl and left it on the counter with my kids around thinking well, it is medicinal so it should not hurt anybody. Besides, we are all associated with baseball so there can’t be anything wrong with taking someone’s medications right? I have to tell you, I am a little concerned about Barry. I am seriously thinking of contacting the San Francisco Giants to offer my assistance. When my kids were in elementary school, they came home with a sheet of stickers showing what looked like a green smiley face with his tongue out. The face was called Mr. Yuk. We were to put these stickers on anything that could be dangerous to children. For the next several months you could not pick up a bottle in our house that didn’t have a Mr. Yuk sticker. I think maybe the Giants need something similar in the clubhouse. That way Barry would know not to inadvertently swallow something that may be bad for him. He has been lucky so far only taking some flax seed oil and a little amphetamine. Just think of the trouble he would be in if he happened to get a hold of his wife’s birth control pills by mistake. I don’t think any of us could survive the press that would generate.

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