Oh No, Not the Honey-Do List!

For 63 days I have successfully dodged the piercing glares and probing discussions from my wife as she has attempted to get me to commit to work around the house. If I kept up that pace I may be about to slide through the next 19 days until pitchers and catchers report. At that point I could plead that baseball season had started and I had so much work to do between the blog and preparing myself for Opening Day that I could not possibly be expected to do chores. Today Trina was preparing her weekly calendar. This is a ritual that happens every Monday where she writes down important events that each family member has so that we can make sure everyone is where they need to be each day. Usually my activities never make the cut on this schedule. I am not sure I understand why that is so today I made the mistake of actually asking. Trina explained that “go to the Team Shop” was not an important event especially since I had written it on every day of the calendar. With the month nearly over, Trina flipped the page to begin filling in events that were scheduled for February. It was at that point she noticed that I had circled February 17 in red and put hearts next to it. She commented how thoughtful that was that I had remembered to make a note to myself about Valentines Day but that I had marked the wrong date and that Valentine’s Day was actually February 14. There are sometimes that I just don’t know when to leave well enough alone and this happened to be one of those times. I told her the markings on the 17th were not for Valentines but were to remind me that was reporting day for pitchers and catchers at Tucson Electric Park. It wasn’t a heart she saw; it was a Sedona Red baseball diamond. I’m not exactly sure why but this seemed to trigger something in my wife replacing her normally sweet disposition with that of Linda Blair from the Exorcist (without the pea soup). She began to speak incoherently; ok maybe it was just that I wasn’t completely listening since I was still thinking about Tucson Electric Park and what non-roster invitees the Diamondbacks would bring to Spring Training. Anyway, when I tuned back in I found that Trina had produced a stack of official looking papers and laid them in front of me.

I am sure that you are all thinking, yup she finally got fed up and she is going to divorce this obsessed baseball fan. No, that would have been much easier for me to deal with. Instead Trina has devised an incentive program that I have involuntarily been enrolled in. She had listed out all of the things that she wanted done around the house. Next to each one of these was a date. These dates began April 9 and went through September 23. I had seen these dates before and I knew there must be some mistake. These dates were home games for the Arizona Diamondbacks. Surely she did not expect me to do items on this list on game days. That is just crazy talk. That is where I misunderstood. She had identified 83 items on her list that she wanted me to do. Each item had a value. That value was game tickets. If I wanted to attend a specific game I would need to complete the item on the list. Trina would then “reward” me with tickets to that game. It would be entirely up to me to decide which games I would like to go to. If I didn’t want tickets to a specific Diamondbacks game then I didn’t have to do that item on the list. She knew full well that I planned to attend each and every game which would require me to do each and every item on her list. The plan was diabolical. After 25 years of marriage I just now find out that I am married to an evil genius. So now I have 31 days to complete 83 items if I hope to be done by the start of Spring Training days. I now know exactly how the inmates at Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s tent city feel. All that is missing is the orange county issued coveralls and pink underwear. It’s funny, February is the shortest month on the calendar but for me it will be the longest month of the year.



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