I’m Not an Addict

Quite regularly Trina and I meet people and begin talking to them. Through these conversations we get to know each other. Somewhere along the line the subject of baseball comes up (I know real shocking). As we start to talk about baseball the subject of the Arizona Diamondbacks comes up (I know, again real shocking). At this point things get kind of animated as I start to describe the upcoming season or reminisce about previous seasons. Soon they have typecast me as some kind of fanatic which as near as I can tell is a word derivative of “fan” and “addict”. Trina has also used that term to describe me but she normally leaves the “fan” word out of her description. The next thing that usually comes out of people’s mouths is, “have you ever seen the movie Fever Pitch?” Now I don’t get that. How can we be having a perfectly normal conversation about the national pastime and then make some quantum leap to whether I had ever seen a movie that came out in 2004 with a limited box office return. Where did that come from? For the longest time I had no idea what the movie was even about though from the title I guessed it had something to do with baseball. Finally a year ago my kids bought that movie for me to watch while I was recovering from shoulder surgery. I watched it but still didn’t quite get why people kept asking me if I had seen the movie.

My first impression after seeing the movie was that there were not nearly enough baseball scenes for this to be classified as a baseball movie. There was less baseball footage in this than there were dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. Secondly, the whole premise was too far fetched as far as I could tell. I wasn’t getting it. I tried to discuss this with Trina and the kids saying I just didn’t get it. Trina explained that the reason people always asked that question was that they felt like this story was a strong parallel to my life. That blew me away. How could they ever think that? That guy in the movie was a Red Sox fan. I would never be a Red Sox fan ever. I can’t stand the American League and I detest the designated hitter. Trina then went through the movie and at various parts explained the similarities. I have to admit, I was not paying attention to her like I should have been. Instead I was lamenting the fact that the guy in the movie somehow found queen sized Red Sox sheets and all I could ever find were twin sized Diamondbacks sheets and even they were only available in the old logo. I also really liked that guy’s phone that was shaped like a baseball mitt. I made a note to myself to do a quick search on Google for both of those items as soon as an adequate amount of time had passed so that Trina thought I was listening. Her arguments were pretty bogus. For example, I would never miss a game to attend a Great Gatsby party. I don’t care if he was dating Drew Barrymore that is just not right. And I would not act like a raving mad man in front of the ESPN cameras at Spring Training. That kind of behavior is best suited for the World Series and Fox. The one point I will concede is the exchange between Jimmy Fallon’s character and Drew Barrymore’s character right after Barrymore returned from Paris when Drew said she was worried if they stayed together that she would have to make sure grandma didn’t die during the season. That is usually the part where I get dirty looks from Trina and the kids giggle under their breath. A guy makes one suggestion and he’s branded for life (that story is best left for another entry).

I appreciate that Trina is worried that I may have an addiction to baseball but I am here to assure you that is not the case. An addiction is something that you can’t live without on a daily basis. That right there kills her argument since I have gone a whole 125 days 2 hours and 12 minutes since I was last at a Diamondbacks game. An addiction consumes ever thought you have. That too is not me since there are several times each week that I don’t talk about baseball. Usually those times are at night and no one is around but there are still times I am not thinking about baseball. So you can see that there is no way I could be classified as an addict. So next time we are talking to people and they inevitably ask whether I have seen Fever Pitch, I can unequivocally state 1) yes I have seen the movie, 2) no it was not based on my life, 3) no I was not a technical advisor on the film, 4) yes I did wear a Diamondbacks jersey to a funeral once, 5) no it was not my funeral, 6) yes I do have a passion for baseball, 7) yes I do own 54 Diamondbacks hats, 6 jerseys, and 35 T-shirts with the team logo, 8) yes I did ask my daughters if they had twins would they name them “Chase” and “Field”, and 9) no I am not an addict.

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