What Happened to Global Warming?

For nearly the entire off season I could not pick up a newspaper without at least one story telling of the dire straits this planet is in and how global warming could jeopardize the survival of the human species. Scientists told of how temperatures were continuing to rise making everything just a little warmer. Soon we would see palm trees growing in the Rocky Mountains and the polar ice caps would melt putting Florida and California underwater. The southwest would dry up and become a dust bowl. Uh hello, we live in a desert. We are a dust bowl. If you don’t believe me you should come over to my house when the wind blows and listen to my wife Trina get frustrated that she just dusted all of the furniture and it already has two layers of dirt on it. These articles have said how man is to blame for the changes in temperatures and the greenhouse effect which is what is causing the planet to get warmer. We’re hearing talk about something called a “carbon footprint” which supposedly measures the amount of carbon we create or destroy by how we live our lives. While interesting, none of this really mattered to me. It wasn’t like scientists had just discovered the cure for the designated hitter or something important. To be honest, the difference in the temperature between 120 and 121 on a July afternoon is probably not going to make that much of a difference to me. They are both about the same temperature that I use when I am slow smoking a rack of ribs and that is dang hot. If you also factor in the heat index in your car that has sat in the sun for 7 hours while you are at work and you will quickly understand why I carry a pair of oven mitts in my glove compartment for driving during the summer. Oh sure I may look silly with a couple of mitts shaped like lobster claws holding on to the steering wheel but at least I won’t get second degree burns on my hands in the 10 o’clock and 2 o’clock positions on the steering wheel. No, global warming didn’t really have an impact on my life until this past week.

It began on Tuesday when the Cincinnati Reds announced that they would be “carbon neutral” in their ballpark for Opening Day. What this meant was that the team had purchased carbon credits to off-set the amount of carbon consumed by operating Great America Ballpark for opening day. The credits were in the form of research dollars that would be used to build a wind farm in India. I’m no topographer but I am betting that I could find somewhere within the boundaries of the United States that would be a good candidate for a wind farm without sending the money overseas.

Next came my trip to Coors Field where Opening Day must have been National Global Warming Alternative day at the ballpark. When the gates opened the temperatures were hovering in the low 40’s. The scoreboard and announcer kept saying how warm it was if you were actually in the sun but the swirling wind in the stadium made me very grateful that I had a jacket. The last time I saw temperatures like this, my head was in the freezer and I was looking for a long lost box of Dairy Queen Dilly Bars. On Tuesday when we got up to leave to go back to Phoenix, the temperature was 34 degrees with wind chill nearing the single digits. I drove pretty much the whole way home with the electric seats running in my car (don’t ask me to explain why I bought a car in Arizona with electrically heated seats. I can’t explain it, it just happened). When the Diamondbacks arrived in Washington DC they were met by frigid temperatures. Eric Byrnes was playing the outfield but you couldn’t tell who he was except for the number and name on his jersey. He looked more like the lead character from the Return of the Mummy the way he was wrapped up. In Chicago the White Sox had to cancel their game against Minnesota because of frigid conditions. Temperature and wind chill made it below zero on the field. How cold does it have to be to make players from Minnesota cancel a game? Finally, the Cleveland Indians game against the Seattle Mariners was called in the 5th inning due to blizzard conditions. This was the third snow delay they would have in this game. So while scientists are on every channel warning us of impending doom because median temperatures are clearly rising and while Al Gore, father of the Internet, peddles his new movie about global warming we are left freezing to death watching a baseball game. Somehow this week’s weather doesn’t do much to solidify the argument for global warming

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