A Shocking Experience

Those of you who are regular readers may have noticed a slight lull in the number of posts to this blog. There were about 5 or 6 days there where posts did not appear to be published. Please rest assured that this was not a result of some technical difficulty nor was it a matter of me not keeping up with the Arizona Diamondbacks. No this was a direct result of yet another one of those weird experiences that only I seem to be able to have. It all started a few days ago when I got up to get ready to go to work. My usual routine is to check the sports page and the Internet for any Diamondbacks news then once I am confident that I haven’t somehow missed an earth shattering story that could change the complexion of the team I’ll hit the showers. On this morning everything was just as it should be and there was no indication that it would be any different than any other day. I still checked my weight before getting in the shower and still wondered whether the scale had somehow broken during the night that would explain where the extra 2 pounds of weight had come from. I still got in the shower and had an internal debate on whether this was a shave or no shave day and ultimately would decide it probably was a shave day and then mutter the whole rest of the time about how much shaving sucks. No this was a normal routine. It wasn’t until after I got out of the shower that things got interesting.

Now before you jump to any conclusions let me assure you that this is a family rated blog so just get your minds out of the gutter. I got dressed and combed my hair and then grabbed the hair dryer. I flipped it on and began drying my hair. About as soon as I did that, the hair dryer began cutting out. It would go on then off then on again. That is not normal so I lowered the hair dryer to see what exactly was happening. About that time sparks began flying out of the handle and the air filled with the smell of ozone. Not only did the sparks start flying but I got personally introduced to electricity in the form of a 110 volt hand shake. Regardless of how asleep or awake you feel I can tell you that a fiery sparking hair dryer pushing 110 volts through your hand and arm will get your attention very quickly. I tried to throw the hair dryer onto the counter but it felt like the grip had super glue or something stuck to it. I felt like one of those socks that clings to your shirt when you pull it out of the clothes dryer. Somehow I finally was able to let go and the flaming hair dryer fell onto the vanity. I then grabbed the plug and yanked it from the wall. So much for that GFI theory about how the plug is supposed to shut itself down in case of a short-circuit. I just kind of stood there with my hair half dry and my hand and arm fully dried and cooked. I may not be an electrician but I was pretty confident looking at the smoldering mass in the sink that this hair dryer was finished.

So after letting my hair dry naturally and letting the feeling return to my arm and hand (which by the way took longer than getting the feeling back after the dentist shoots your mouth with Novocain), I decided I was probably going to need a new hair dryer. So I grabbed my Diamondbacks hat and headed for the store. My requirements for a hair dryer are pretty simple. It has to dry hair and it has to not shock me. These requirements are not exactly in the order of preference but you get my meaning. I was not prepared to find out that there are a million variations on hair dryers. I must have looked puzzled as I gazed at the landscape of choices laid before me. A young woman came over and asked if I needed assistance. I told her that what I really wanted was a clean-up hitter capable of hitting 20-30 home runs per season and giving the team 90-100 RBIs. I would prefer that the player not be a defensive liability but I might be willing to consider it if he fit in well with the team. Now the young lady had the same look on her face as I did when I was looking at hair dryers. She clarified herself and asked if I needed assistance in finding a hair dryer. I gave her my two requirements only this time I put them in order of importance. She seemed to think that all of the hair dryers she sold would meet my demands. I tended to disagree and pointed out one similar to the culprit lying dead in my bathroom sink.

The woman began explaining the finer points of hair dryers and I felt like someone was trying to describe the infield fly rule to me in Japanese. She was making this way too complicated. I have no idea what ionic heating is and quite frankly the only damage I have ever seen done by my hair dryer was earlier that morning when it attempted to do a reverse lightening impression. I could see we were at an impasse and I was definitely not capable of understanding the benefits of world-class hair care. So I decided to make the choice simple. I took off my hat and I held each hair dryer up against it. The first one I came to that was Sedona Red I bought it. As I left the store I wondered how many of these hair dryers were purple and teal last year but changed colors because the commissioner of Major League Hair Professionals thought red would be a more traditional color for a dryer. So my absence of published posts was more a matter of letting the residual static electricity buildup dissipate before touching the computer. That’s all I need is to fry a hair dryer and a hard drive in the same week.

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