I’m Not Psychotic

I was at the ballgame the other day. I arrived early to watch batting practice and to take in some of the sights and sounds of Chase Field. It’s always great to get to the park early. You beat the crowds that tend to arrive right before first pitch. You can take your time choosing what you want to eat at the concession stands without someone behind you freaking out because they just finished the last drop of beer and they desperately need another one, and you can usually get into the door of the team shop to check out what new merchandise the team may have added from the day before. On this day it was the team shop that was the big draw for me. I was looking for the new pin of the month and anything else that might catch my eye. As I was wandering around the store I happened to find a pair of Nike branded Diamondbacks shorts. I have three pair of Diamondbacks shorts along with three shirts/jerseys that I wear as pajamas (not at the same time unless it is really cold or I am going for the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man look). My problem is that all of my pajama shorts and shirts are Diamondbacks Classic colors (purple and teal). Given this fact I decided I just had to get the new black and Sedona Red shorts. I bought them along with a pin and headed back to my seat. After the game I gathered up my personal belongings before leaving Chase Field just as the PA Announcer requested and headed home.

When I got into the house I went through my normal ritual. I unpacked the seat cushions, logged into the computer and validated my scorebook against MLB.com and updated the Now Hitting web site. I then took the sack from the team shop upstairs and set it in the bedroom and subsequently forgot about it. A few days passed and Trina happened upon the sack from the team shop. She questioned me as to what I had bought. I told her I got some really cool pajama bottom shorts that were Sedona Red and black. She asked why I had not put them in my drawer or worn them yet. What a weird question. I turned to her and said, “Well I can’t wear them yet because I don’t have a Sedona red shirt/jersey to go with them.” That seemed so obvious I could not believe she would even ask that. “And I didn’t put them in the drawer because there are purple and teal pajamas in the drawer.” Geez, I could not believe I even had to explain this. The look on Trina’s face made me realize that my explanation was not finished yet as she needed more information.

You can’t mix old team colors and new team colors that could cause extreme problems. At a minimum it might lead to psychological issues for the wearer of these garments and at worst it could cause a tear in the space time continuum. No you definitely didn’t mix old and new, that would be bad. And you can’t put the old and new colors in the same drawer. You might mistakenly grab the wrong ones and mix the colors when you get dressed in the dark. I’ve had that problem before. Once I woke up and I had on a Colorado Rockies jersey and Diamondbacks shorts. That was in 2004 and we lost 111 games that year. No you definitely can’t allow that to happen again so you must keep these things separated.

So as much as I would like to wear my new shorts to bed, until I can find an appropriate Sedona Red or black shirt/jersey that I can match to the new shorts, they will stay in the sack at the foot of my dresser. Once I get a shirt I’ll then rearrange my drawers and move the Diamondbacks classic gear to another drawer and replace them with the new Sedona Red pajamas. I need to do that pretty soon though. I have been having trouble sleeping lately and I think it might be because me head has been clouded by purple and teal.

I laid all of this out quite logically for Trina so that she understood the rules of pajamas. I thought I had explained this before when I cordoned off part of the closet so that the purple and teal jerseys would not hang next to the Sedona Red jerseys. I thought this was all pretty clear so I was confused why we were even having this discussion. And I had just assumed that this would carry forward to include the laundry as well. I have no idea what would happen if she tried to wash Sedona Red gear with purple and teal stuff. It might cause a fire for all I know. In any case it didn’t seem like a safe thing to do. When I finally finished my explanation Trina just stared at me blankly and said, “You’re psychotic.” What the heck does that mean? I swear sometimes I just don’t get women. They can be so illogical at times.

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