Time For a Change

It’s funny that the more you love someone the more you seem to take them for granted. At least that is the overwhelming sentiment that Trina explains to me on what seems like a nightly basis. To be honest I had no idea really what she was talking about (again no surprises there if you ask Trina). But this week has given me an opportunity to do a lot of soul searching and re-evaluate my life and my priorities. Our time here on this earth is brief and we never know when that time might get cut short. I would hate to look back and have regrets that I might not have shown the proper amount of appreciation for the ones I love. This epiphany has been a very humbling experience for me and made me realize that Trina was right; I am guilty of overlooking all the wonderful things that are done for me. I woke up this morning and vowed to myself that I would change.

Change never seems to come easy in our lives. We are all creatures of habit and we settle into our own idiosyncrasies that make us who we are. Take me for example. For the better part of 9 years I have slept in a purple and teal Arizona Diamondbacks batting jersey and Nike Diamondbacks shorts. They were comfortable and there was just something soothing about knowing that each night I was wrapped in the team colors and could sleep well. When the team changed the color scheme to Sedona Red and Black it really threw off my groove. My sleep patterns were totally thrown out of whack. I would toss and turn in bed each night unable to sleep. At first I thought that was a result of the daily stresses we face in our lives. I tried meditation, medication, and warm chocolate milk but none of these seemed to help me get any sleep. Ok here I should probably mention that I only sleep about 3 hours a night on average anyway (it has been that way pretty much my whole life) so it’s not like I was disrupting 8 hours or something but still if I don’t get my 3 hours of sleep a night there are serious ramifications. Anyway going back to what I was saying; I just could not seem to get a good night’s sleep. A few weeks ago I came to the conclusion that the cause of my sleeplessness was because I was still wearing purple and teal. My brain was in a total state of confusion (Trina would argue that is not necessarily a phenomenon constrained just to my sleeping patterns). I decided that what I needed was a pair of Sedona Red pajamas. Now that sounds like an easy task, go and get a new pair of pajamas but I can assure you that is not the case. I challenge you to search the local department stores and even the Internet to find a pair of Sedona Red and Black pajamas that contain the Diamondbacks logo that would fit an adult. Trust me; it’s harder than it looks. I ended up going down a similar path that I did when I went looking for purple and teal pajamas. I bought a batting practice jersey and a pair of Nike shorts. It’s not the perfect ensemble but it works. Since that time I have found my sleep state much more restful and I wake up a lot more relaxed; at least until this week.

This brings me back to the original premise of this entry that I have been taking things for granted in my life. This has weighed heavily on my mind and finally I decided that I needed to face it head on. I went to Trina a very humble man. It is hard to come to a realization such as this where you have not shown the level of appreciation that you should for someone you love. Given the number of times Trina had mentioned this I knew it had bothered her to. So in an effort to set my relationship back in order I would have to swallow my pride and begin what looked to be a long road back to forgiveness. I would never be able to retrieve all of the lost hours that were missed when we were a part and I could never take back the times when I only half paid attention to my loved ones. But coming to this realization is the first step to recovery and confronting you loved ones asking for forgiveness would hopefully go a long way towards restoring order back into my universe. I think Trina was somewhat taken aback when I approached her wanting to talk. She is not used to me being serious so I am sure that was a little disarming. This was important though and levity had no place in trying to mend a broken relationship. We found a quiet place to talk and I began pouring out my soul at how tormented I had felt the last several days when I realized that she was right and I had been taking things for granted. Her eyes filled with tears as did mine when I began to lay out my willingness to change.

We only have a little time remaining together and I want to make the most of it. The past three days with the Arizona Diamondbacks in San Diego losing every night had been the most painful thing I have endured. Since the all-star break I had become accustomed to the stellar play of the team and their ascension to the top of the standings just seemed appropriate. But after last night’s game when they lost not only the game but also first place it was horrible. I realize now that I had told the team how much I appreciated the great season they were having. I had not recognized their accomplishments or told them how much I loved watching them. Oh sure I had spent time with the team when they were in town but many games I became preoccupied with other thoughts and didn’t give them my undivided attention. That was wrong on my part and I promise to rectify that. I promise that I will dedicate myself to recognizing the little things they do to make the baseball season more enjoyable. I will show my gratitude when they go out of their way to make me feel special or do something nice for me. I will never talk badly about them regardless of whether we are fighting or not. I will stand up for them whenever someone attempts to say something derogatory towards them. Through these efforts I can hopefully become closer to the team and not take them for granted like I have in the past.

At the end of this discussion I noticed tears running down Trina’s face and I just knew she understood. I think I really touched her with my sensitive side. Trina said she too wanted to reach out. Little did I know what that really meant. Earlier when I said watching the Diamondbacks lose the last three games were the most painful thing I had endured; I stand corrected it was the second most painful thing I have endured this week.

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