Watching My Figurine

I feel like I write a lot about the Arizona Diamondbacks promotional schedule. With the exception of the bobble head dolls and the dreaded lunch box there were not many of the promotional items that I really cared about. That is not to say that I didn’t like them; quite the contrary I think the Diamondbacks marketing department should be commended for the promotions they have had. What I meant was that I had not marked any of the promotional days as “must have”. I’m not really sure what that means though because I am always at the game early to make sure I am included in the number of free gifts that are being handed out. In many cases I have been pleasantly surprised at the giveaway. Trina seems to be slightly less enthusiastic. As the season begins to wind down I am hearing more and more complaints from her about how our home is looking more and more like a Diamondbacks Team Shop. I took that as a compliment but she has assured me that it was not meant to be.


Sometimes I don’t understand women. Ok that might be an overstatement. I have a better chance of explaining the Infield Fly Rule and the Rule 5 Draft or writing the baseball rule book in Latin than I have of understanding my wife. It is not for lack of trying either. I believe I have gone above and beyond the call of duty to try and comprehend what Trina is thinking but it is just not possible. Take today for example. Dakota and I were busy making plans to be at the ballpark early so that he could be one of the first 10,000 kids 12 and under so that he could receive a McFarlane figurine of Livan Hernandez. Trina immediately began to express her displeasure of having yet another Diamondbacks artifact adorn her home. Dakota and I were completely puzzled by her attitude. How could we possibly live with ourselves if we somehow did not have a complete set of McFarlane figures from the 2007 season? There would be a hole in our collection and every time we went into the living room it would mock us and serve as a constant reminder that we had not completed our goal. No, that would just be too painful to have to live with day in and day out. Trina then began to speak heresy when she suggested that we could put the other figurines away so it didn’t bother us. Personally I think she is still a little bitter about the great Precious Moments Massacre of 2004 when several of her prized figurines lost their heads in the largest Nerf gun accident ever documented in Chandler. No there would be no way we could possibly miss the Livan Hernandez figurine. Battle plans were made and we synchronized our watches to make sure that we had accounted for every contingency. As we prepared for battle we went through our checklist. 1) Seat Cushions, check. 2) Scorebook to record Hot Dog Derby winner, check. 3) Tickets to today’s game (I had to add the “today’s game” qualifier after we mistakenly took tickets to the wrong game one time which cost us a key chain schedule in 1998), check. 4) Pathetic Puppy Dog Expression (just in case Dakota needed to look forlorn that he had not gotten a figurine), check. I think we had everything we needed. Now all that was left was for the baseball gods to look favorably upon us to arrive at the stadium to collect our bounty. Three hours from now Trina will have herself a brand new interior decorating accessory. Once she sees all of these figurines together she’ll change her mind and gain a new appreciation for our decorating expertise.


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