Wait, Where Is the Game?

That had to be it. I had seen this happen before. I once watched an entire season of the television show Dallas only to find out that it was just a dream that Patrick Duffy had left the show. Or what about the final episode of Newhart when Bob Newhart awoke claiming the 8 year show in the 1980’s was actually a dream by his 1970’s character of The Bob Newhart Show? There was precedence so I was hopeful. If it was all a dream then that would mean that there is a game tonight! It would be game 5 and then the teams would be coming back to Arizona for a possible game 6 on Friday. This was going to be great. I leapt out of bed and jumped in the shower. I was gleefully singing the new Diamondbacks theme song D-backs Swing by Roger Clyne & the Peacemakers as I always do. I got out of the shower and wrapped myself in a Sedona Red towel noting that Trina was still slightly ticked off that I had helped with laundry. How was I supposed to know that you didn’t mix her good white towels with my Diamondbacks shirts and jerseys? I just assumed that everything went well with Sedona Red. Besides, I think Sedona Red bath towels are a lot more absorbent than white ones. I base that on the fact that attendance at Arizona Diamondbacks games increased after the color change which means that everything tends to gravitate towards Sedona Red. It’s just a theory of course but I long ago learned that if I can keep Trina off balance with my theories then I am less likely to get into “serious” trouble. I think this is because she is so confused about how I arrived at my conclusions that she is too busy to realize the stupid thing I just got away with. Sorry, I think this entry took a severe left turn at the last tangent. Let me try to get us back on track (that in and of itself is not an easy thing to do even for me).
Where was I? Oh yeah I remember I just got out of the shower and was wrapped in the hyper-absorbent Sedona Red bath towel still singing the D-backs Swing theme song. It was turning out to be a good morning. I went to the closet and looked over my wardrobe. Let me see, it is Wednesday and the Diamondbacks are away that means today would be gray jersey with a black under armor shirt. As I lifted up the shirt to put it on I smelled the spring fresh scent of Snuggle fabric softener. I made a note to myself to write an e-mail to the Snuggle company and suggest that they really needed a new fragrance. If you could get a fabric softener to smell like Chase Field it would quickly become their best seller. I mean who wouldn’t like their clothes to smell like fresh cut outfield grass and hot dogs? There are times that I just can’t believe that I am the only one that comes up with these ideas.
Dressed in my Diamondbacks gear including my Sedona Red hat I made my way downstairs for my typical game day breakfast. For important games I always like to have a bowl of Lucky Charms cereal. Not only are they a tasty treat but who can resist the colorful marshmallow shaped like red hearts, yellow moons, orange starts, and green clovers? The kids came down for breakfast, the most important meal of the day, and were startled to see me already dressed and in a good mood. Whitney was the first to question my behavior, “Dad, what are you doing and why are you dressed in your Diamondbacks jersey?” That seemed like a silly question. She knows I always wear my jersey on game day and I reminded her of that fact (that I wore my jersey on game day not that she just asked a silly question). The kids all stood in the kitchen nervously looking at each other then they ran out of the room. I swear, sometimes I just don’t understand children. Soon they came back into the room this time led by their mother. Trina then asked the same question that Whitney had just asked me. What is up with this family? Have they all lost their mind? I again explained that I always wore my jersey on game day and according to the schedule tonight was Game 5.
“Dear, the Diamondbacks were swept by Colorado two days ago. The Diamondbacks play-off run is over.”
She may as well have reached into my bowl of Lucky Charms and removed all the marshmallows leaving me with only soggy sawdust flavored cereal bits. My whole life suddenly seemed to be in slow motion. I dropped my spoon in mid-flight and screamed, “No!” as I realized it had not been a dream. In the distance dogs began howling as if in pain. This can’t be happening. We can’t have been swept by the Colorado Rockies. The kids rushed to the table and tried to steady me as if I were going to fall off my chair. They led me back to the bedroom. Trina closed the curtains and the Sedona Red sunlight turned to darkness in a fitting metaphor to my life. After what seemed like an eternity I got up and gently placed my Diamondbacks jersey back on its hanger realizing that I wouldn’t be wearing it again this year. I blindly reached for a non-Diamondbacks shirt and put it on. I trudged downstairs, picked up my briefcase and slowly walked towards the door. I could tell this was going to be a very long day.