Quiz Question: When do you know that you are too close to a team and a subject?
Answer: When the subject starts invading your dreams
I had a fairly fitful night of sleep on the couch after Trina’s birthday. I made a mental note to myself to never give sharp objects to my wife as a gift item if yesterday was any indication. I knew that I was going to be doing some serious shopping today to try and make up for yesterday so as I drifted off to sleep last night my mind was preoccupied. That coupled with a late dinner at El Paso Barbecue seemed to have an odd effect on my subconscious as I began to have what many would probably say were strange and unusual dreams. To me they seemed pretty normal but every time I have recounted them I am met by a awkward glance and a raised eyebrow. One person went so far as to suggest I seek professional help. I have no idea what that means.
My dreams are not that crazy. It’s not like I am dreaming that I am wearing Sun God robes standing atop a copper pyramid surrounded by pigs with wings singing Latin folk songs while women throw tiny dill pickles at my feet. I haven’t had THAT dream in months. Most of my dreams are more mundane and ordinary although I do find it sort of odd that at least once during my dreams the THX sound and logo appears. I also just started realizing that I am now dreaming in wide screen high definition. I have to admit, the dreams do seem a lot more real since that started happening. The colors are so vivid (yes I dream in color. I am pretty sure it is 24-bit color as I don’t see any banding in the gradients) and lifelike.
In my dream tonight it was still the holiday season. Our family had all returned home to be together and celebrate. There was a large family dinner planned and there were wrapped gifts in the living room. I wasn’t quite sure whether the gifts were Christmas presents or birthday presents. I think I was confused because one of the gifts was a Sedona Red vacuum with a faded gold bow that made it look like it was Sonoran Sand. Everyone seemed to be ignoring the vacuum and I felt sorry for the poor thing. For some odd reason I had named the vacuum Tiny Tim and throughout the dream I kept expecting it to talk but it didn’t. The entire family was preparing for the dinner and everyone was in a joyous mood including Trina (this is why I think I was confused as to whether my dream took place on Christmas or her birthday).
As we sat and talked as a family there came a knock to our door. I got up to see who would be out on such a crystal clear morning. When I opened the door, Arizona Diamondbacks president Derrick Hall entered the room. He was wearing an overcoat that was made entirely of pockets. We shook hands and I welcomed him to my house. I took him around to meet each member of my family. Once the introductions were completed he began walking through my house all the while talking to us. It was not necessarily an interactive conversation. It was more like a monthly online chat but at my house and without computers. At brief intervals he would stop responding and would reach into one of the many pockets of his overcoat and retrieve a small bag about the size of a Diamondbackers Fan Loyalty card. He would place the silver bag upon whatever happened to be in front of him and then continue on. Trina and I followed Derrick Hall as he walked around our house talking and depositing small metallic looking gift bags all around our house. At one point when I questioned him on whether his family had enjoyed their Christmas, he reached into one of his overcoat pockets and retrieved a 16 gigabyte iPod Touch and laid it on top of a wrapped box and pressed a button. A video appeared on the screen showing Derrick and his family playing Wii bowling all dressed in Arizona Diamondbacks pajamas. I wanted to ask him if the team shop was going to be carrying those pajamas but before I could Derrick was already moving to another part of the house leaving the iPod Touch behind with a bow on top. After surveying my entire house and depositing several silver bags at various spots along with an iPod Touch and two iPod Shuffles Derrick turned to Trina and I and asked what one thing would make us happy? I immediately began to imagine Diamondbacks Dugout Box season tickets in Section N which everyone knows are my ultimate dream. Before I could open my mouth to speak, Trina had whispered something in Derrick’s ear and he left the house. He returned momentarily and asked us to meet him outside. There he had in his hand a Sedona Red leash. Tethered to the other end was a brown and white Bassett Hound puppy that had eyes that reminded me of one of the Precious Moment figurines that Dakota and I destroyed during the Nerf Wars of 2003. Trina and the kids rushed to the puppy and began to cuddle the adorable little creature. I stood motionless in the door trying to comprehend how in the world my wife could have chosen a puppy with humongous eyes over Diamondbacks season tickets above the home team’s dugout? At that moment I woke up sobbing. I have no idea what exactly that dream means and I tried desperately to try and go back to sleep in hopes that the dream would continue so I could try and understand it. Unfortunately that didn’t happen and I may live the rest of my life in fear that a white and brown puppy will replace Dugout Box seats at Chase Field. That is not a thought that I am entirely comfortable with.