Monsters in the Outfield

One of my worst nightmares came a couple of weeks ago when I went into my beloved Chase Field and found that the green well manicured outfield and perfectly groomed base paths had been replaced by large berms of dirt piled up by front loaders that were parked in the Diamondbacks bullpen. You may as well painted a graffiti moustache on the Statue of Liberty to look like my aunt Ethel before the waxing. This was one of those sights that leaves you speechless and in serious need of psychotherapy sessions by professions. I’m talking about the dirt berms on Chase Field not the thoughts of Aunt Ethel’s moustache or waxing techniques although either one of those will wake you from a dead sleep screaming in fear. I seriously thought there was nothing more frightening that what I had seen that night but I now stand corrected.

In early January when I received the mailer from the Arizona Diamondbacks inviting me to take advantage of 20 percent off tickets to the two motor sports events being held at the stadium I figured it would be a great way for me to check out the field and once again walk the corridors of my second home. The first even left me traumatized enough seeing motorcycles flying around the friendly confines of Chase Field. And to hear fans in the seats cheering as machines tore up the sacred ground made my head spin and my stomach roll. If for no other reason I needed to attend the second event just to erase the first event from my memory. I therefore headed down to the ballpark to check out the festivities. The day started early with a show of monster trucks. The roof was opened reminding me that spring would soon be upon us and I would be back here watching baseball. The field looked like a military battle field. The scars from the berms and jumps still evident as far as the eye could see. The pain was subsiding but was replaced with frustration and anger. How in the world could they do this on the same field where the Diamondbacks had just a few short months ago had challenged for a berth to the World Series? I was obviously not the only one with those feelings. On what was once the infield someone had parked some junker cars. How dare they use the field as a parking lot! That just ticked me off. I think they need new security personnel because last summer the guys working at Chase Field would not even let you touch the grass and yet just a few short months later people were using it as a parking lot and not even for nice cars. These things looked like crap! As I said I wasn’t the only one who was angered by this idea. There was this one guy in a monster truck called Grave Digger who took matters into his own hands. He decided that if people were going to park on the field they were going to pay. He started racing around and jumping on these junker cars smashing the crap out of them! Obviously this hit a nerve with the fans because they cheered frantically every time he made one of these cars pay the price. I had to wonder which one of the dentally challenged people here would suddenly come to their senses and realize that it is their car being smashed to smithereens. I was just waiting for someone to jump up and yell, “Hey, that’s my car!” but nobody did. This beating took all night and at the end the announcer proclaimed that the Grave Digger beat cars faster than anyone else tonight. This brought a loud ovation from the crowd but we weren’t done yet. After intermission the monster trucks came out for what the announcer called “freestyle”. This was basically an anything goes destruction dance. Something appropriately named Maximum Destruction took the honors pummeling the parked cars. The only bad thing was that these trucks after destroying the cars kind of went nuts doing donuts in the outfield. I had to wonder whether they realized they may be doing just as much damage as the motorcycles. It was a strange evening but at least I parked on the street so my car didn’t get smashed for parking in the wrong spot.

1 Comment

  1. T-Minus (X) Days

    I am not exactly sure what it is about my personality but for whatever reason I seem to be fascinated with numbers and countdowns. At any given moment I have identified some sort of event and I am counting down…

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