Happy Condiment Day!

Do you ever have one of those weeks where nothing seems to go right? You know one where you can’t find your favorite Arizona Diamondbacks Sedona Red pajamas and you have to decide do you resort to having to wear your Arizona Diamondbacks Classic purple and teal pajamas or do you sleep without pajamas? That might seem like a no-brainer as Trina would say but I have definitely seen a difference in my sleep patterns when I am wearing purple and teal pajamas in a post-Sedona Red era. It’s not just the pajamas though. There was more bizarreness that is normal in my life. That is saying a lot since Trina has long proclaimed that on a normal day for me I already peg the weirdness level for most of the population.

The week started with an email asking if I could possibly design and develop a set of lanyards for Leigh Steinberg’s Super Bowl party and ended with a trip to Scottsdale where I found myself in the midst of ESPN’s Super Bowl headquarters. Somewhere along the weekly timeline my wireless router decided to do its best Linda Blair impression becoming possessed and finally spewing smoke and ozone frying the switch motherboard for some unknown reason. And believe me I tried to find a known reason for it too. These are usually the kind of weeks that most sane people would just hunker down and try to ride out the storm from the safety below deck. I have never counted myself among the sane so instead I decided this would be the perfect time to mess with the blog software and see what trouble I could cause. I blame Major League Baseball for this. After all, if Spring Training started on February 1 rather than February 14 my mind would be preoccupied with baseball instead of the randomness of real life.

So for the past nine days I have tore apart Movable Type to see what makes it tick and to see how I can make Diary of a Diehard more efficient. I found a lot that needed adjusting. The problem was that I really liked the look-and-feel of the blog so my number one priority was to keep the user experience the same while changing everything out beneath the covers. Well that was probably my number two priority. My number one priority was to see how long I could go without sleep while reducing the Spring Training Magic Number to single digits. I finally finished the underlying rewrite and have installed it on the servers. The user interface is intact with just a few minor modifications that I hope makes it a little more readable. By that I mean from a typology perspective. Unfortunately I was unable to find any code that would make my writing style any more coherent or mainstream.

The problem with weeks like last week is that at the end when I look back over the time, I can’t for the life of me figure out what took so long. The other issue is that time seems to be the one finite element in the universe. No matter how much I try I simply cannot produce more time. And unless I can prove the scientific basis for the flux capacitor I am not holding out hope for solving the problem of time travel. What this means is that everything that I would normally have done over the past 9 days didn’t really get done meaning I am farther behind than the Tampa Bay Rays in the September standings.

So I am superseding Hallmark’s monopoly on the naming of holidays. Today, February 4, 2008 has been designated National Condiment Day. What you might ask does this have to do with me being behind? Well, at Arizona Diamondbacks baseball games they have the condiment races which include Ketchup, Mustard, and Relish. Each game we cheer and cheer for our favorite condiment and most nights we are depressed to find that Ketchup has lost a step and just doesn’t seem to be able to play at this level. But again what does this have to do with being behind? Well I finally found a way to use this aging star. I think it is time to Ketchup. Now come on, you had to know that was coming didn’t you? There really isn’t any reason for those groans. If you’ve read this blog at all you have to expect entries like this once in a while.

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