After all the preparations yesterday you would have thought that Easter morning would have gone off without a hitch. We had colored eggs, baskets for each of the children, enough plastic grass to rip a whole the size of Chase Field in the ozone layer of the atmosphere, and candy that would ensure the full dentist’s employment act of 2008. What could possibly have been a problem then? Well it seems that I missed one important requirement during my egg-filling assignment. I was supposed to count the number of eggs that the Easter Bunny would be hiding. I erroneously assumed that a rabbit capable of standing on its hind eggs and carrying a basket despite not having opposable thumbs was somehow capable of mathematical cognitive skills. In layman’s terms I didn’t realize that the Easter Bunny can’t count or he is incapable of such a simple task as documenting exactly how many eggs he had hidden. The ramification of this error is that I have no idea how many eggs were hidden nor was I privy to the secret hiding places a rabbit puts plastic eggs. We therefore have the dilemma of not knowing whether all eggs have been accounted for.
The one positive note is that I at least had a carton which acted as a counting device for the real eggs. It could have been a much more aromatic problem had I not been able to account for all the real eggs that this silly rabbit had hidden. I guess the other advantage to this problem is that we now have the opportunity to find candy-filled eggs for days or possibly weeks. I tried to explain the positives to Trina but she somehow didn’t think “Easter is the holiday that just keeps on giving” as a valid excuse for my lack of preplanning. My theory yesterday of using money in lieu of healthy egg filler was also slightly flawed. I failed to take into consideration to effects of money on children. I erroneously assumed that loose change and candy held the same value in a child’s eyes. I did not expect that once one egg with money was found that the Easter egg hunt would deteriorate into what could best be described as a gold rush. As Trina attempted to separate the mound of children fighting over an egg that they were certain held instant wealth, I was quick to try and find a positive spin on this. “Honey look on the bright side. What this should tell you is how important healthy snacks are to the kids otherwise they would not be fighting over who can buy the most.” I would like to think that the plastic Easter egg that whizzed past my head was merely an accidental missile launched from the mound of children and not a misplaced projectile from my dear wife. After a morning filled with dealing with the various nuances of high finance to a child and countless lectures on the proper usage of the word “fair” order was finally restored to our house. After tears were wiped away and several more eggs hastily filled with more money to even things out it was finally peaceful. Almost as an afterthought was the fact that my kids are now convinced that the Easter Bunny is indeed an Arizona Diamondbacks fan. How else can you explain the fact that it was the red eggs that contained money and that Dad got a Diamondbacks hat in his basket? Well it is hard to argue with kids as smart as these.