Happy Earth Day everyone! I am not exactly sure why Earth gets its own holiday. None of the other planets get their own holiday. I mean when was the last time that you celebrated Mercury Day or the ever popular Uranus Day? Fact of the matter is that Pluto not only didn’t get its own day but they voted it off the planet island. That’s completely messed up if you ask me. So I am not so sure I want earth feeling all that special. If lawmakers were so hip on creating another holiday my vote still goes for Opening Day. My arguments for Opening Day being a national holiday are well documented so I won’t go through them again. Suffice it to say that baseball is a lot more important than celebrating the birth of a planet. Oh sure there will be some environmentalist that will argue that without a planet there could be no baseball but I would have to counter that without baseball what would be the point of having a planet. Take Saturn for example. Oh sure it has cool rings and everything but exactly how many people do you know that want to go to Saturn? A quick poll of my neighborhood found zero people planned a trip to Saturn this year. I then asked how many people planned on going to a baseball game. I had one family that anticipated going to 72 regular season games and 2 spring training games which is substantially more than those planning to go to Saturn. Ok, I’ll admit it that was my family but there were other people in the neighborhood that we considering going to a game so the argument is still valid.
But since I doubt I am going to get Earth Day overturned I figure I better make the best of it. So I began to wonder; what could I do to help save the planet? My first thought was compost. Trina says there is a lot of BS in this blog so if she’s right then we have a substantial amount of compost that can enrich the ground. I wanted to propose that we bury Rally Sally ridding ourselves of her psychotic flag dancing AND freeing up good seats that normal human beings could use. Then I remembered it was Earth Day and I figured the planet has enough problems without me forcing a dose of Rally Sally into it. I’m not positive but I’m guessing that burying Rally Sally would turn that plot of land into an Environmental Protection Agency SuperFund site and we just don’t have the resources for a clean-up of that magnitude.
The Arizona Diamondbacks have gotten onto the green bandwagon this season. Which is weird since they just changed their colors to Sedona Red not too long ago? Green initiatives with Sedona Red jerseys is going to make Chase Field look like a Christmas decoration. The Diamondbacks have partnered with SRP who will plant 10 trees for every run that the Diamondbacks score this season. So far with the bats coming alive through the first three weeks of this year SRP is going to soon be planting their own rainforest. As part of Earth Day I wanted to do my part with this promotion. For every run that the Diamondbacks score tonight I would gladly allow SRP to come plant one of their trees in my yard. I know that is a sacrifice but I think this is important. I will further commit that for every strikeout recorded this season I will allow Western Sod to come to my house and plant one square foot of BOBSod. By the end of the season we should have enough strike-outs in order to re-sod my entire lawn front and back. All we need to make this is a reality is for someone to donate the money and the manpower to make it happen. It’s a great idea, I just don’t have the details ironed out quite yet.
I checked the Arizona Diamondbacks web site and the promotions schedule but I did not find anything that even remotely resembled an Earth Day commemoration. So I thought maybe I should offer to help. Maybe what they need is a few ideas that can grow into planetary awareness so here we go:
Recycling Tuesday – Every fan in attendance will be given a coupon for Big Dawgs concessions good for one jalapeno sampler. Those dogs are guaranteed to recycle on you all night long. As an added bonus Byung-Hyun Kim will throw out the first pitch and watch it get hit over the fence again and again and again.
Solar Saturday – Each fan sitting along the first base line will be given a solar panel hat to wear. The Diamondbacks will open the roof to Chase Field and absorb all the energy from the fans baking in the Arizona sun and turn that energy into electricity to power the neon blue beer bottle that now adorns the Diamond Club sign in right-center.
Alternative Energy Wednesday – The Diamondbacks will install a treadmill in the upper deck and we’ll strap Rally Sally to it. With all her gyrations we should be able to power all the lights at Chase Field plus the new JumboTron. The fans will be given sunglasses and blinders so we won’t have to look at her.
These are just a few suggestions. I can come up with as many of these as they need. If we all just do our part we can keep this planet going long enough that perhaps fans in Tampa Bay can finally witness a winning season by the Rays. Ok, maybe it’s impossible to be environmental for THAT long.