This Has Bad News Written All Over It

When I was a kid we always looked forward to Friday nights especially if we happened to be going to a sleep over. On Friday night one of the local television stations (there were only 2 stations and those covered pretty much most of the south eastern portion of the state) had something they called Creature Features. This was a program where they would show classic science fiction and horror movies. Creature Features came on relatively late so that small children would be in bed and not subjected to nightmares after watching these films. One of the earliest movies I remember seeing on Creature Features was Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Not the remakes but the classic 1956 version starring Kevin McCarthy, Carolyn Jones, and Dana Wynter. For those of you who haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it although it may leave you mentally scarred.

The plot is basically that aliens have come to Earth and they are replacing the townspeople of Santa Mira California with physical duplicates that are created from plant-like pods. These Pod people look identical to the original person but something is just not quite right about them. The Pod People begin to take over the town and will ultimately take over the world destroying all mankind. It was a frightening thought that made you look at everyone just a little bit differently after seeing the movie.

Tonight the Arizona Diamondbacks begin a 3 game series with the first place Chicago Cubs who hold the best record in the National League. Look back at that last sentence and tell me that isn’t the strangest thing you have ever read. The Chicago Cubs in first place is a bizarre enough idea but then when you add to that the fact that they have the best record in all of the National League and it makes you stop and wonder. Is it really the Chicago Cubs or have aliens come to this planet and slowly begun replacing the Cubs players and their fans with physically identical simulations who are just slightly different than the original? What other explanation could their possibly be than alien mutant pod people invading our planet with the intent of destroying the human race? Sure it all starts out innocent enough with a baseball game. The problem was that the aliens did not count on us uncovering their plan. They didn’t take into consideration that it is just too inconceivable for a team to not have won the World Series for 99 years but in the 100th they become the team to beat.

I have been to a few Spring Training games at Hohokam Stadium in Mesa and I can tell you that there is just something not right about the Cubs and their fans. No human can be that devoted to a team that has been consistent losers for almost a century. Tonight I am fully expecting the stands to be filled to near capacity. Half of the fans will be dressed in Sedona Red, Sonoran Sand, and Black. They will act like normal human beings with the exception that they will only cheer when the dbTV display tells them to. The other half of the crowd will be dressed in blue and will have the letter “c” emblazoned upon them somewhere. They will chant and drink massive amounts alcohol. They will lament the lack of ivy on the outfield walls and they will worship a dead announcer. When the 7th inning arrives they will stand and wave their glasses of beer in the air and wish that their colorful announcer were still alive. They will alter the words to a famous song screaming “Cubbies” in place of “home team”. The interactions between these pod people and the normal humans will get heated at times and there will be at least one pod person ejected from the stadium before the night is over. It is going to be one of those experiences that brings back the fears of my childhood when a black and white picture caused me to become much more cynical in my outlook of the human race. Keep your children close to you this night and remember the warnings from Dr. Miles Bennell when he looks into the camera and yells, “They’re here already! You’re next!”

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