Can I Have Naming Rights?

“Dad, you’re going to be a grandfather!” This is the kind of news that brings about a litany of emotions. On the one hand you are thrilled that your daughter is going to have a baby. On the other hand, all of your delusions that you are still young suddenly go up in smoke.

It is not that this news is unexpected. My daughter and her husband have been trying to have a baby for a while. Regardless, the news still hits you like a Randy Johnson fastball to the chest.

My wife took the news much better than I did. She was overjoyed and quickly began talking about baby blankets, burp rags, diaper bags, and all the other equipment needed to raise a child. I was still sitting there trying to figure out where my youth went. Suddenly all of the aches and pains from years of playing baseball hit me. I was now old and it wasn’t real cool.

Still, I planned to find the positives of the situation. After all, a grandchild meant that I now had a built in companion to the baseball games and one who for the next twelve years could get all of the giveaways that were focused on children. Who knows, I just may be able to score a Baxter Bobble Head Toothbrush holder now.

The thoughts of a bobble head toothbrush holder quickly replaced the depression with excitement. My wife was still talking about all the things she would be making for the baby. As for me, I had moved on.

I asked my daughter if they knew the sex of the baby and if they had picked out a name. She said they were going to have a baby girl and no name had been decided upon yet. This was perfect. I remembered seeing a pink Diamondbacks jersey in the team shop and I made a note to go down and pick it up.

“Can I name the baby?” I asked.

There was dead silence on the phone and a blank stare from my wife. After what seemed like several minutes both my wife and my daughter answered in unison, “NO!” No? How could they possibly say no?

Before I could even ask the question both these women began recounting the times when I was given naming rights to the household pets. They reminded me of the dogs Bone Crusher Hammer Man (BC Hammer) followed by Dog Dot Com (Dotty for short) and who could forget the fish named Bait and Sushi?

Personally I thought all of those names were quite appropriate but neither my wife nor my daughter would budge on the subject. I was just a little hurt. Trina was curious though and asked if I had a name in mind.

Of course I had a name picked out and it was perfect for a little girl. I nodded and they asked what my name suggestion was. Proudly I announced that I would name my first grandchild “Sedona Red”.

I stood there waiting. Surely after hearing such a beautiful name there is no way they would be able to contain their excitement. Instead I was met with yet another long silence. Finally my daughter spoke, “Dad, you are not going to name my daughter after a color of the Diamondbacks uniform.”

I don’t get it, it is a beautiful name. It is not like I was suggesting something like Dodger Blue. I wouldn’t even name the cockroach I found under the sink Dodger Blue. But Sedona Red? That was awesome!

I tried to explain the winning tradition that the Diamondbacks had with Sedona Red and how thousands of baseball fans would cheer whenever Sedona Red was announced. Neither of these women would even consider it.

There are times I just do not understand women. Here I had come up with the perfect name and they would not even consider it. I decided at that moment that regardless of what the baby would end up being named, I would call her “Sedona”. Surely she would grow to appreciate it.

Now I just need to see if the Team Shop can personalize that little jersey with her name on it. Maybe later she’ll have a little brother who we’ll name “Chase”. What did you think; I would name him “Sonoran Sand”? That’s just crazy.


1 Comment

  1. Lets hope Chase doesnt merge with another bank and take that banks name if you name your grandson Chase.

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