Groundhog Day and My Proposal for Calendar Changes

Groundhog Day is one of the more puzzling holidays that has been created. I’m not exactly sure who thought it would be a great idea to have a hibernating furry rodent get yanked out of a hollow tree and look for his shadow to decide whether winter is over.

Baseball seems to be a whole lot more accurate in determining the changing of the seasons. Every fan knows that winter ends the day pitchers and catchers report to the Cactus and Grapefruit Leagues.

Spring lasts the remainder of February, all of March, and through the first weekend of April. Summer then arrives on the first Monday of April (this year that is April 5) and will last until the first weekend of October (October 3 this year). Fall will begin the first week of October and last until the final out in the World Series at which point it becomes winter again.

I never understood the whole Earth rotating around the sun concept of tracking time and seasons. That measuring system seemed so unscientific. The problem with that is the fact that science is basing their calendar measuring system on a fallacy.

Scientists have long proposed that the sun is the center of the solar system and all of the planets rotate around this star in elliptical orbits. What they have failed to understand is that baseball is the center of the universe and everything revolves around the game. If you don’t believe me, ask my wife she’s been telling me that for years.

I am not one to destroy all of the tradition that has been built up around the calendar misunderstanding. I mean we can still have New Years Eve; we just need to move it to the middle of February to be the day before Spring Training starts.

Easter can remain but the bunny and the egg thing has to go away. We can replace the rabbit with team mascots and instead of painting eggs we can have kids sew the 108 stitches on a baseball.

Labor Day will be replaced by Designated Hitter Day which is just about as arbitrary. We can keep Veteran’s Day but we’ll also add a Rookie’s Day that will be September 1 when rosters are expanded.

Thanksgiving can remain but it will occur the first Tuesday after the World Series and will be marked by a ticker tape parade and a float with the World Series trophy. Christmas will move to the final day of the Winter Meetings when each team will announce players they have signed in the off-season.

And like the Maya calendar we will add a day that the world will come to an end. Instead of 2012, our calendar will call for the destruction of the earth to be the day the Chicago Cubs win the World Series. I can’t think of anything more apocalyptic than that.


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