My Jersey Quest

Have you ever had one of those situations where you were going to buy something but for one reason or another you just never get around. You thought to yourself, “oh those will be available for a while so there is no reason to hurry and get it.” Then when you finally decide you need to get it you can’t find it anywhere and you kick yourself over and over for waiting for so long. Yeah, that’s where I am.

Before last season the Arizona Diamondbacks unveiled their jerseys for the 2011 season. There were not really any changes to the white home jersey, the gray road jersey, the Sedona Red alternate jersey or the black alternate home jersey except for one small thing – each of the uniforms would have a patch on the sleeve commemorating the Arizona Diamondbacks hosting the 2011 All-Star game at Chase Field.

I already had one of every jersey style that the team had so I debated all season whether I really needed a new jersey. Let me rephrase that. I knew I needed a new jersey it was just that I couldn’t quite figure out what angle I needed to take so that my wife understood the importance of getting another jersey that to her looked like every other jersey except for a patch on one sleeve.

Sometimes I just don’t get women. They can question a little thing like another jersey hanging in your closet yet they can have nearly 1,000 pairs of shoes so that they match every dress and purse they have ever owned. I made the mistake once of suggesting there might be a double standard. That comment landed me on the couch for about a week.

I was not going to be deterred. I just needed to convince her why this patch and this jersey were so important. It’s historic. This may be the only time in my lifetime that the Arizona Diamondbacks would host the All-Star game at Chase Field. That didn’t seem to impress her. So I went for the romantic angle.

“But honey, that jersey will remind me of the beautiful time we spent together at the All-Star game and act as a constant reminder of how much I love spending time with you.” Yeah that was perfect, or so I thought. Instead she just stared at me and asked, “I thought that was why you needed the All-Star baseball, the All-Star bat, the All-Star polo shirt, and the All-Star sweatshirt?” Huh, I guess I have been using that excuse just a little too often.

For most of the off-season I worked on her trying everything I could think of to justify the purchase a new jersey. I even went so far as dropping hints at Christmas and talking to Santa at the mall but no such luck I am still shirtless. Finally she cracked.

During the off-season I went to see my doctor. After a series of tests and a couple of health scares he leveled with me that I needed to lose some weight. It’s not that I was extremely overweight it was just that my body doesn’t seem to like carrying around a few extra pounds.

So since the first of the year I have been trying to exercise and follow an eating plan that would help me to lose weight. After a month I had dropped 19 pounds and I felt pretty good. It’s not just the weight but where I lost it. Suddenly shirts and pants that were snug are now fairly loose.

I reached into the closet and retrieved my favorite Diamondbacks jersey and it didn’t fit! I now had the perfect excuse. I showed my wife my dilemma and she finally agreed I needed a new jersey before Opening Day. I immediately went out to the Diamondbacks Team Shop and found that they no longer sold the authentic jersey with the All-Star patch on the sleeve.

I think I can best describe my response as a reenactment of the final scene of Planet of the Apes when Charleston Heston climbed off his horse and cursed mankind when he saw the Statue of Liberty half buried in the sand.

So now I find myself on a quest. A quest that will take me to the far reaches of the earth in search for an authentic Arizona Diamondbacks jersey with a 2011 All-Star game patch on the sleeve. Just my trusty search engine and me we shall travel far and wide until I find the treasure. I have just 48 days 19 hours and 15 minutes to find it before Opening Day. Time is definitely not on my side.


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