As I expected, the kids were up early; excited to begin the holiday festivities. We had just gathered around the autographed Justin Upton baseball bat holding hands and singing holiday songs when my cellphone buzzed. Normally I turn my phone off during the holidays but in all my excitement last night I forgot.
I reached over and looked at the display. I had a waiting text message that simply said, “Are you coming to work today?” What? Are you kidding me? Even Ebenezer Scrooge had a change of heart after being visited by the ghosts of Christmas. I replied that today was a holiday. How embarrassing that they forgot.
The response came back quickly, “No it’s not”. Now this is just getting weird. I went to the calendar, checked my phone, checked my watch, and checked the Internet to make sure I didn’t get the date wrong. No today was February 6th; it was definitely a holiday. Before I could answer there was another message, “Are you sick?”
I responded, “Um, yeah?” There was then another message asking, “What’s wrong are you ok?” I felt like I was somehow transported into an alternate universe where there was no baseball or if there was, people didn’t seem to notice. This is like dying and finding out that heaven is Yankee Stadium and St. Peter is Derek Jeter. Suddenly you wished you were not nearly as good because if this is heaven you need to go to hell.
My mind was racing; I typed the first thing I could think of, “I have STVF*” *Spring Training Valley Fever
“Oh wow, that sounds pretty serious!” Have you gone to see a doctor yet?”
“I was just on my way. If that is truly what it is, I may be quarantined.” I said. “I’ll let you know as soon as I find out.”
Oh man, this is the weirdest thing I’ve been a part of. First I got people forgetting it’s a holiday and now I am going to need a doctor’s note. I’ve never been a part of religious persecution before but clearly I am being singled out because of my belief system. These people are anti-baseball.
Well, that was not going to stop me. This great country was based religious freedom and I for one planned to make sure my forefathers did not fight in vain. I went to the computer and got a doctor’s note.
I have to admit, it looks pretty official. Who wouldn’t believe the diagnosis of Dr. Seymour Beisbol? And for all I know Spring Training Valley Fever is just as real as any other disease. I mean if you can get away with telling people you have something named after a roofing material (shingles) then STVF suddenly looks a lot more believable.
So I am probably going to be in quarantine for another day or so. I plan on going and getting a STVF shot while I am at FanFest on Saturday. That will hopefully last me until February 26th when I will have to get a booster shot at the Salt River Fields clinic.
In case any of the rest of you are suffering from this highly contagious disease let me know; I am sure I can get you a note from Dr. Beisbol. And remember; if you start to feel any symptoms take a doubleheader and call me in the morning.