Won’t You Be My Valentine?

When I woke up this morning I had a text message from each of my children. It simply said, “Dad, did you remember what today is?” What an odd message. I thought I knew what day it was but I’ve seen enough movies in my life to believe that it is possible for you to go to sleep and wake up in a completely different century on a world where apes ruled men.

I rushed to the window and looked outside. I didn’t see any gorillas riding horses but I did see the fat neighbor in his boxer shorts picking up his newspaper. It may be days before that particular image is erased from my memory.

Baseball RosesI walked over to my Diamondbacks calendar. No, today is not Opening Day I would have remembered that. Pitchers and catchers have already reported so that can’t be it. There is no cake or candles on the table so it’s not my birthday. I just took the Christmas tree down so I know it’s not Christmas. So I took a guess and sent messages back to my kids saying, “It’s Friday?”

Almost immediately my phone started going crazy all with the same response, “IT’S VALENTINE’S DAY!” Ok seriously, I should not be required to remember every random holiday especially those that are obviously made up by the Hallmark Corporation.

You would think that I would have marked this day. I mean the same thing happened last year and the year before that. Thankfully, my kids have learned and they at least give me a heads up so I don’t have to face the wrath of my wife.

Baseball Rose BouquetValentine’s Day seems so random. Shouldn’t we show how much we love each other every day of the year instead of having some calendar date in the middle of Spring Training tell us what to do? Trust me here guys, that line of thinking will have you sleeping on the couch if you try it. I have vast amounts of experience here.

It would be ok if there was some sort of standard card and gift package you could pick up at the Team Shop and everyone would get the same gift. Then you wouldn’t have to try and compete with that guy your wife saw at the floral shop buying three dozen roses and jewelry that would be sent to that exclusive restaurant accompanied by a guy playing the violin with her favorite song.

That guy is the guy who hits before you in the line-up and blasts a home run and admires it at the plate then takes his time rounding the bases and stomps on the plate before blowing a kiss to the pitcher on his way to the dugout.

You just know that as soon as you plant yourself in the batter’s box you are going to get a 94 MPH fastball right between the numbers and you can’t rub it no matter how much it hurts because you don’t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing it stung. We all hate that guy but you can’t say anything because he is on your team.

Just once I would like to hit in front of that guy and let him get hit so he can count the stitches of a baseball on his back for a week. I totally thought I was that guy when I gave my wife the Valentine baseball a couple of years ago.

Baseball Rose with Heart BaseballYeah it was cool, and I was a hero for about a day but then I think I missed a sign and swung away whiffing big time when I pointed out that my wife may be getting “a little gray”. Saying that is kind of like trying to chase down a Paul Goldschmidt fly ball with your shoes tied together; it’s not pretty.

I wasn’t about to give up this time. Sure, I was late to the game today and I didn’t have my best stuff but I had grit and a credit card and that should account for something. I knew I could take the easy route and go get a box of chocolate or a few flowers but how original is that? Anybody could do that; I needed something that would set me apart.

After a rather lengthy search on the Internet I finally found something that I thought would make me an All-Star game starter for Valentine’s Day. I came across a site called Sports Roses that specialize in custom made artificial flowers that look like sports balls.

They have a complete section of baseball roses handmade from leather and stitched like a baseball. How cool is that? What woman would not want a white leather rose with red stitching? As awkward as it would be to get roses from a guy even I would love a gift like that.

Sports Roses not only had a great selection of single roses and bouquets, they had the perfect card to go with it that simply said, “Happy Pitchers and Catchers Report Day”. Granted, it was a few days late but I think my wife will still understand and appreciate the sentiment.

Yeah, this was the equivalent of hitting a bloop single in the bottom of the ninth inning off Mariano Rivera scoring Jay Bell from third base. They will be holding ticker tape parades in my honor for this Valentine’s Day gift.

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