“Hello, Hallmark Corporation? Can you please direct me to the person responsible for making your calendar products?” I asked the person on the phone.
“May I ask what this is regarding?” came the response.
“Yes, I would like to report an error on my calendar.” I replied.
“Your calendar has an error?” the receptionist asked.
“Yes, it shows that today is the first day of spring and everyone knows that spring officially began the moment pitchers and catchers reported to Spring Training which was February 11th this year” I confidently replied.
“Click”, and the phone went dead – again. This was the fourth phone call I had made this morning to the Hallmark Corporation and each of them ended in exactly the same way. It’s as though they don’t even care that they are selling defective calendars. You know, this is what happened with the Mayan’s calendar and you saw how that turned out; the calendar just stopped working.
Seriously how could you possibly have messed up this badly that you have the season wrong? They try to explain it off as some kind of scientific anomaly and then start discussing orbits, stars, and planetary motion. We all know that is just a smoke screen covering up the fact that Hallmark doesn’t know when baseball season starts.
You don’t believe me? Tomorrow walk into a Hallmark store and go to the counter and ask the salesperson to direct you to the Opening Day of Baseball cards. If your experience is anything like the four stores I went to you will be met with a blank stare and then they will offer to sell you a Yankee candle.
Do I look like a Yankee fan? And if I were a Yankee fan don’t you think I could afford a flashlight and not have to resort to using candles to light my house? Honestly where do we get these people?
It’s like being trapped in a Pauly Shore movie and that’s not a good thing.