December 31, 2000
Remember a year ago when everyone was panicking about they Y2K bug? And do you remember when January 1 came and nothing happened? Remember how we all laughed at how silly everyone was for believing that everything was going to go wrong and we would be left in the dark without food? That was really funny until tonight.
Continue reading ‘Ringing In the New Year’ »
December 20, 2000
It has been an interesting holiday season. This is Dog Dot Com’s first Christmas and we have been wondering how a puppy would fair with all that will be going on. Now I am not an idiot or at least I try to persuade myself that I am not so I did take precautions with a new dog in the house. The Christmas decorations that matter have all been placed above Dakota and Dottie muzzle reach. When it came to the tree, this meant that we had no ornaments on the bottom 24 inches of the tree. When I finished with the tree, I did notice that it looked very bizarre and something had to be done. I therefore went through the decorations and pulled out items that did not matter if they were chewed up. In many cases, chewing would probably enhance their appearance. This has worked out fairly well. Dottie has disturbed some of these ornaments and even attempted to eat one of the glass balls on the tree. She made that mistake only once though. As Christmas approaches though, she is getting into more and more things. Some of the gifts we found had food items within them. With her keen sense of smell, she found out this information well before we did. This resulted in us losing a couple of gifts to the dog. This was of course frustrating not only to Trina and I but more importantly to the kids. They did not appreciate the fact that Dottie was able to open a present before Christmas while they had to wait. It was especially bad when the gift she opened was not even hers! Something had to be done and since I am the idea man, I had to come up with something. I tried rewarding her for good behavior and that worked for about as long as I was watching, then she went back to checking things out. Next, I tried discipline but with the same results. She was as good as gold while I was watching. The moment I turned my back, she got into trouble. Then I stumbled upon the answer, laser pointer.
Continue reading ‘Attack of the Laser Pointer’ »
December 19, 2000
I have not been feeling well for the past several days and finally relented and had Trina make me a doctor’s appointment. I am not sure why but I have a deep seated fear of doctors and hospitals. Perhaps it is because I have spent so much time there having something stitched, taped, cast, plugged or removed. Whether it was an emergency asthma attack or a broken bone from playing ball, I spent a lot of my childhood in a waiting room reading old magazines while waiting to see a doctor or nurse. Subconsciously, I think I have linked pain and doctors and would just as soon not see either one of them. Besides seeing me for my cold, I was also scheduled for a physical.
Continue reading ‘The Six Words You Don’t Want To Hear’ »
December 18, 2000
There is word coming out of Milwaukee today that Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig fell on the ice in his driveway breaking his kneecap. Everyone within baseball is wishing the commissioner a speedy recovery as he was rushed to the hospital for surgery to repair his knee. It is an unfortunate accident that always seems to happen during the icy winters in the midwest, or does it?
Continue reading ‘I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up!’ »
December 17, 2000
It is amazing what a guy will do to go and check out the seats at Bank One Ballpark. It has been 75 days since I have been in the ballpark and it will be another 108 days until opening day. Today though offered me an exciting opportunity. The United States Women’s Soccer Team was playing a match at Bank One Ballpark this afternoon against the Japanese National Team. I immediately got a ticket to this match. Don’t get me wrong, I really could care less about women’s soccer. I don’t know any of the players nor do I plan to be much of a fan of the sport in the future. No, I bought a ticket so that I could check out the field and also to see what the sight lines would be from the various sections for next season. The American women played well. I have to admit, it was strange seeing grass where the infield dirt usually is and the idea of goals set on the warning track in left field and in front of the visitor’s dugout. So after my initial confusion, I quickly adjusted and found my seat. It took me a moment since I first walked to section 133 row 16 seat 13 to find a fairly large woman with her girlfriend sitting there. I had to look at my ticket to see where I was supposed to sit. After the first few moments, I began to move around as I sat in several seats checking to see what it would be like to sit there for the upcoming baseball season. At each location, I made notes to the Bank One Ballpark seating chart I had brought with me. By the middle of the second half, I had done all of my homework and then turned my attention to the soccer match. As time ran out, I looked at the scoreboard to see that the score was tied 1-1. From the looks of the couple sitting in my normal baseball seats, the old adage is true, a tie really is like kissing your sister.
December 16, 2000
There are a few things that a father never quite gets over. At the top of this list is your daughter dating. It does not matter who she is dating, he is never quite good enough for his little girl. That is the case with Ashley. Tonight is the winter dance at school and she has a date. He is a nice kid and Ashley seems to like him. I on the other hand merely tolerate anyone touching my daughter’s hand and I do not want to know anything else. I trust Ashley implicitly, but I still remember what I was like as a teenage boy. If this kid is anything like I was, I am going to have to kill him. Ashley has spent most of the day getting ready. It never ceases to amaze me how long it takes a girl to get read for an event. Whether it is working on her dress, doing her hair, putting on her make-up, or the other countless items that go along with getting ready. Until I had daughters, I never really appreciated how much work went into getting ready for school or a date. Trina of course had other plans for tonight and had the other kids with her leaving me alone at home to meet the date, help pin on flowers, and take the pre-dance pictures so that we can all remember how uncomfortable we were standing around. So here I am with my camera pressed up to my eye watching some kid standing next to my daughter with his arm around her looking excited to go to a dark dance that has few if any adult supervision and a curfew that has been extended into the early morning. Yeah, this is truly a Kodak moment soon to be followed by a Tylenol eternity.
December 15, 2000
As I get up this morning, I glance over to the Christmas Countdown clock that Trina has put up in order to save her sanity. After having 5 kids ask on a daily basis how many more days until Christmas, she decided it would just be easier to write it on the board. If nothing else, it has saved her from repeating herself 6 times. I had to look at the countdown twice. Surely that cannot be right, there has to be more than 10 days until Christmas. Because if Christmas is that close, that means I have to go shopping and I am not sure I am ready to deal with that. Of course, I verified the days remaining and found that indeed, there was a trip to the mall in my future. I grabbed the checkbook and my Arizona Diamondbacks Team Shop Discount Card and headed for the door. Before I could make it to the garage, I was met by Trina who immediately removed my Team Shop Discount card from my hand. “You won’t be needing this.” she said. I tried to explain that I still had to buy her present but she merely repeated “You won’t be needing this.” Dejected that I was being forced into a realm I was not prepared to experience, I left the house and headed for the mall. When I got within 10 miles of the shopping center, I noticed traffic increase as did foot traffic on the sidewalk. I did not think the two were related but soon found I was mistaken. I drove around the mall for 40 minutes trying to get into the parking lot. Not park the car, just get into the parking lot. After the fourth trip around the block, I began wondering exactly how much trouble I would be in if I shopped somewhere that had a drive-through window. At the last moment, I found an opening to park and perhaps saved my marriage. When I finally found a parking place, I had to hike 20 minutes before I reached the door to the mall. By the time I got inside, I had forgotten what I was even looking for. Lucky for me the team shop was just inside to remind me why I came here. Diamondbacks polo shirts are 20% off today. I’ll bet Trina will love this. Maybe I’ll get her two, one black and one blue to match the bruises I will most likely get when she opens these.
December 14, 2000
There are few things that a man hates worse than going to the doctor. I am not sure why we behave this way. Perhaps it is a matter of trying to show we are tough, perhaps it is a fear of needles and the possibility of having a shot, or just maybe it is the memory we all have of the first colon examination we had. In my case, I think it is a combination of all of the above. I would rather be drug behind a car for several miles than have to see a doctor. Trina of course takes every opportunity she can to make sure I visit those members of the medical profession. There are times I have to wonder of she is just a sadist that likes to see me suffer but then I remember what I am like when I am sick. It is funny, I can seem rough and tough but the moment I get sick, I turn into some kind of whiny wimp that wants to be waited on hand and foot. I am not alone in this, I have seen other men who get sick and they too demand to be pampered and waited on. It must be something in our genes. Because of our behavior, women have no choice but to send us to the doctor for medication and more importantly to get us out of their hair if only for a few minutes. Given this fact, I find myself sitting in the doctor’s office whimpering as I wait my turn. I will be glad to get home and get back to bed. I wonder if Trina will bring me a milkshake and a new magazine. I figure I only have a couple of days to milk this before she catches on and I am back to fending for myself once again.
December 13, 2000
Like many other baseball fans, I had to sit down when I heard that Alex Rodriguez had signed a 10 year contract worth in excess of $252 million. At first I thought the announcers had somehow misplaced a decimal point somewhere but no, they repeated the news several times with the same result. I immediately changed the station to ESPN where they were to hold a press conference announcing the signing of A-Rod. I had to hear that. After all, I had believed Alex when he said it wasn’t about the money. He wanted the chance to win a championship. Surely he could explain why he went to the Texas Rangers who have no pitching whatsoever. So the press conference began. First we heard from Tom Hicks the owner of the Rangers who stated this contract was probably even undervalued. My mind was numb at that quote. Next came Doug Melvin the General Manager who claimed that A-Rod would be a dominating force in baseball for the foreseeable future and that this deal would be looked upon as a bargain in the coming years. Melvin was followed by Rodriguez’s agent Scott Boras who claimed that the deal was lower than what they wanted but A-Rod felt this was the right move regardless of the money. Then the press conference ended. It ended? Where was A-Rod? Oh, he wasn’t in Texas at the time, he would be there in a few days. The guy signs a $252 million contract and he isn’t even there? I began to contemplate the contract and tried to understand why Alex wasn’t there. Then I came to the conclusion, he doesn’t have time to attend these types of functions.
Continue reading ‘Hey Buddy, Can You Spare a Quarter Billion?’ »